Merry Christmas

Its time to turn the PC off and leave the blogosphere alone for a couple of days.

Time to forget "Call me Dave" and his smarmy grin.
Time to forget that Vince Cable is really starting to get on my tits.
Time to forget that Liam Fox is almost as useless as Bob Ainsworth.
Time to forget as disclosed by the Telegraph that (and its true) George Osbourne is totally devoid of any idea about how people live.
Time to forget the Red Ed Milliband is a puppet placed there by the Unions..........and is totally useless in opposition (and has a really weird voice).
Time to Forget that Nick Clegg's political career is over once the coalition goes.


So Merry Christmas to the boys



Merry Christmas to the girls (and any boys who feel this is their thing).....note this blog has no prejudice.


Have a good one and enjoy

Tlotf

Tommy Sheridan...........Verdict ?

I would categorise the polarities of the reactions – media and individual -to the verdict in the Tommy Sheridan perjury trial as follows -


1. Justice has been served – he brought it upon himself. Sheridan was undoubtedly guilty. Perjury is a serious offence, and has the capacity to seriously damage the criminal justice system – it must be feel the full force of the law and be punished severely. It was not a political trial – it was public money well spent.


2. It was a political trial – a show trial – designed to satisfy News International, Rupert Murdoch, those who detest socialists of whatever ilk, and it was also a valuable smokescreen to cover the much more serious questions hanging over Andy Coulson, former editor of the NotW, now a senior advisor in the ConLib Government, over the phone tapping scandal by the News of the World. Tommy Sheridan is innocent of all the charges brought against him. There was a wide-ranging conspiracy to bring him down, one that included most of his former Scottish Socialist Party colleagues, News International, the Scottish Police and the Scottish justice system.


The truth, as always, probably lies somewhere in between, and that is the area I find myself in, much as I would like to be absolutely clear-cut in my view.



Let’s try to nail a few things down …


Did Tommy Sheridan bring it upon himself?

Leaving aside for the moment the question of his guilt or innocence (the Law has spoken but in a free country we may express our doubts over its verdict), Tommy Sheridan faced two crucial decision points – one when the News of the World’s made allegations about his private life, and the second when the Crown Office launched a prosecution for perjury against him and his wife, Gail Sheridan.

The original choice was to either ignore or contest the NotW allegations. To ignore them would undoubtedly have cost him his leadership of the SSP, and perhaps ultimately his parliamentary seat, but he could have survived that, diminished but not destroyed. His enemies would have claimed that his failure to contest the allegations was tantamount to an admission of guilt. His wife, the staunchly loyal - and in my book, wholly admirable - Gail Sheridan, would have stood by her husband. He could have rebuilt his career, perhaps with a new, Jack-the-Lad dimension to it, and could even have enhanced a media profile.


THE ORIGINAL CHOICE

If Tommy knew the allegations were true, he was extremely unwise to pit himself against the Murdoch empire, and in choosing to do so, he was following the paths of Aitken and Archer, both of whom destroyed their political careers and were imprisoned as a result of their choice. Only cynical self-interest, the instincts of a gambler and vanity could have led him to contest allegations that he knew were true.

If Tommy was innocent of the charges, then given his personality and the core of his political convictions, he was inevitable going to engage in the fight, even though the risks were appalling.

My advice to him, regardless of his guilt or innocence of the charges would have been – don’t do it, Tommy.

Nobody expected him to win, and there is some evidence that he did not expect to win against such a powerful adversary. Although he trumpeted his win in typical barnstorming, populist style, he must have know the inevitability of what would follow. The die had been cast, and a 21st century tragedy was about to unfold.


THE SECOND CHOICE

The second choice was whether or not to defend himself against the perjury charges laid by the Crown. Here, in my view, he had no real choice, whatever his private knowledge of guilt or innocence – he had to defend himself. To suggest as some have done, that he should not have defended himself to save the public purse the expense of a trial is utter nonsense. It is the legal system and the nature of the police investigations that create these enormous cost, estimated at £1m for the police investigation and £4m for the trial.

Sheridan was facing the inevitability of prison and crippling costs that would lead to bankruptcy. In my view, he had to fight, guilty or innocent. Most importantly, it would have been a betrayal of his wife’s unflinching loyalty and commitment to give up. There was no way back.


SHOULD THE PROSECUTION HAVE BEEN INITIATED AND HAS JUSTICE BEEN SERVED?

I say no to both questions. It should have been left the News International to decide what their remedies were after losing the initial civil action for damages.

Perjury, an offence that is committed countless times in every court daily throughout the land, is almost never prosecuted, and the egregious exceptions to this have been political – notably the Jonathan Aitken and Jeffrey Archer (Baron Archer of Weston-super-Mare) perjury prosecutions.

In both these case, the prosecutions were justified by the rationale that these were powerful politicians and public figures – both Tories – who could not be seen to flout the law. Jonathan Aitken was seen as a future Prime Minister: Archer was a life peer and had been Chairman of the Conservative Party.

The same arguments and justification have been applied to the Sheridan prosecution. Why therefore was it wrong to prosecute him?

My answer is that in the Aitken and Archer cases, only they had been accused of perjury – in the first Sheridan trial, the Crown believed that many witnesses must have perjured themselves, but they only chose to prosecute Tommy and Gail Sheridan? Why not the others? Why not the ones who had testified against Sheridan? Why was a police investigation launched that appeared to focus solely on the Sheridans?


WAS THIS IN THE PUBLIC INTEREST

Where did the public interest lie under these circumstances, and where did the other, shadowy interests lie? In a time of economic stringency, was it wise or prudent to divert substantial police resource to investigating allegations of three-in-a-bed sex? To incur a cost of millions to the public purse for a long-drawn out show trial?




© Copyright Peter Curran 2010 in part with Thanks

Does Santa Exist ????

Consider the following:

1. No known species of reindeer can fly. BUT there are 300,000 species of living organisms yet to be classified, and while most of these are insects and germs, this does not COMPLETELY rule out flying reindeer which only Santa has ever seen.

2. There are 2 billion children (persons under 18) in the world. BUT since Santa doesn't appear to handle the Muslim, Hindu, Jewish and Buddhist children, that reduces the workload to 15% of the total - 378 million according to Population Reference Bureau. At an average (census) rate of 3.5 children per household, that's 91.8 million homes. One presumes there's at least one good child in each.

3. Santa has 31 hours of Christmas to work with, thanks to the different time zones and the rotation of the earth, assuming he travels east to west (which seems logical). This works out to 822.6 visits per second. This is to say that for each Christian household with good children, Santa has 1/1000th of a second to park, hop out of the sleigh, jump down the chimney, fill the stockings, distribute the remaining presents under the tree, eat whatever snacks have been left, get back up the chimney, get back into the sleigh and move on to the next house. Assuming that each of these 91.8 million stops are evenly distributed around the earth (which, of course, we know to be false but for the purposes of our calculations we will accept), we are now talking about .78 miles per household, a total trip of 75-1/2 million miles, not counting stops to do what most of us must do at least once every 31 hours, plus feeding and etc. This means that Santa's sleigh is moving at 650 miles per second, 3,000 times the speed of sound. For purposes of comparison, the fastest man- made vehicle on earth, the Ulysses space probe, moves at a poky 27.4 miles per second - a conventional reindeer can run, tops, 15 miles per hour.

4. The payload on the sleigh adds another interesting element. Assuming that each child gets nothing more than a medium-sized Lego set (2 pounds), the sleigh is carrying 321,300 tons, not counting Santa, who is invariably described as overweight.
On land, conventional reindeer can pull no more than 200kg. Even granting that 'flying reindeer' (see point #1) could pull TEN TIMES the normal amount, we cannot do the job with eight, or even nine. We need 214,200 reindeer. This increases the payload - not even counting the weight of the sleigh - to 353,430 tons. Again, for comparison - this is four times the weight of the Queen Elizabeth.

5. 353,000 tons travelling at 650 miles per second creates enormous air resistance - this will heat the reindeer up in the same fashion as spacecraft re-entering the earth's atmosphere. The lead pair of reindeer will absorb 14.3 QUINTILLION joules of energy, rer second, each.
In short, they will burst into flame almost instantaneously, exposing the reindeer behind them, and create deafening sonic booms in their wake. The entire reindeer team will be vaporized within 4.26 thousandths of a second.
Santa, meanwhile, will be subjected to centrifugal forces 17,500.06 times greater than gravity. A 250kg Santa (which seems ludicrously slim) would be pinned to the back of his sleigh by 4,315,015kg of force.

In conclusion - If Santa ever DID deliver presents on Christmas Eve, he's dead now.

Merry Christmas Everybody

347. How Many More?

Direct Copy from Rosie without an apology !!!

Nothing more I can say

While many of us were involved in last minute preparations for Christmas, another soldier was killed in Afghanistan on Tuesday. He belonged to the Colchester based 216 Parachute Signal Squadron, Royal Corps of Signals and was blown up when his vehicle was hit by a roadside bomb.

There have been 347 British personnel killed in the Afghanistan war since 2001 and thousands more injured.

While we complain about poor public transport, untreated roads and pavements and temperatures below -10 degrees during daytime, please spare a thought for the families of those who have died and been wounded this year. There will be many tables with an empty space on Christmas Day.

SNP Cyber Nats

I have been leaving the more ranty posts alone for a few weeks.
An email from a reader asked if I was still blogging or if I had joined the recent group of blog resignations came as a surprise............for e.g. the retirement of the G.O.T has indeed been a bit of a blow to the blog community.
I do hope he returns.


One of the things which has boiled my blood however, is the SNP cyber nats.
Indeed for an SNP supporter I find them pathetic.
The group of little people who play at it because its fashionable. The group who despite the offers you give them don't have the balls to write a blog, but who via a facebook page think they are gods gift to writing.
Indeed my musing are borderline lousy but I make an attempt. However this group once challenged become very childlike in there reply and well act in a very odd manner.
Its easy to survive in life without being challenged, and to maintain a certain air of authority when you immerse yourself into the opinions of fellow thinkers only.

What they cant do and it shows is survive when your opinions get challenged in public. So if you have a blog or an FB page and spout forth your views then prepare to take a challenge, take a knock , but at least be reasonable and not resort to the tactics you just used.

It shows you have not researched your subject matter, your argument is weak, not thought through, and above all you have no credibility as a blogger or opinion giver so to speak.

I suppose that's the problem with social networking..............any moron can do it.

I have supported the SNP for xxxxx number of years ( yes being honest there would give my age away) however the Gen Election results for Scotland have made me question my vote and how it is placed.
My party is not perfect.............indeed none is..........however I have my principles and I pick my fights carefully.
I have my thoughts, my beliefs and I will not be rounded upon by someone who's argument has more holes than a colander..............especially when we vote for the same party and when they are proven to be wrong on so many levels they resort to doing what they did.

The reason for this rant is a certain cyber nat or part time SNP cyber nat has not thought through before shooting off at the mouth (or Keyboard) so to speak.

Well done young lady.................Merry Christmas to you...!!!

Christmas ruined as Sarah Palin shoots Rudolph

Children were left devastated today at the news that failed Republican vice-presidential candidate Sarah Palin had shot and killed Santa’s chief reindeer, Rudolph. Dancer and Vixen were also injured in the incident yesterday evening as Santa and his team flew over Alaska on their return from a pre-Christmas practice run.

The Palins were apparently enjoying a ramble through the Alaskan wilderness in search of oil and natural gas reserves when they were frightened by a sudden noise overhead. ‘We heard bells jingling and a clatter of hooves, and whatever it was left a twinkly vapour trail behind it,’ said Sarah Palin today. ‘We assumed it was a UFO as they’re pretty common round these parts, so naturally me and the kids unloaded our shotguns into the sky. I couldn’t believe it when three reindeer fell to the ground. My previous biggest kill was a moose.’

There are now real concerns that Santa’s depleted team will not be able to make their deliveries and children everywhere will awake on Christmas Day to empty stockings. Santa was unavailable for comment today and was last seen circling anticlockwise over Anchorage following the loss of his lead right reindeer.

Palin refused to accept any criticism for the death of the famous red-nosed reindeer, explaining that hunting was a way of life for many Americans in remote states like Alaska. ‘Actually the red nose gave us something to aim at. Of course I recognise that this year’s festive season might be a little different now – we have got one hell of a lot of venison for this year’s Christmas dinner.’



Source

A little bit of what you fancy really does do you good !!

This woman is 51.

She is a TV “health guru” advocating a holistic approach to nutrition and ill health, promoting exercise, a pescetarian diet high in organic fruits and vegetables. She recommends detox diets colonic irrigation and supplements, also making statements that yeast is harmful, that the colour of food is nutritionally significant, and about the utility of lingual and faecal examination.




This woman is 50.

She is a TV cook, who eats nothing but meat, butter and deserts. She drinks like a fish, and has a fridge full to bursting!

Just to show you all the proof's in the pudding!

Student Protests

So the students took to the streets again eh!

Well some did.................with a legitimate and lawful protest.
Others however had a different agenda.

Its a pity that a proper protest has been marred by the actions of anarchists and well and ounce of sympathy for students, depending upon which morning rag is your preferred choice, will soon be melting away.



However when photos like this appear onto the interweb..............regardless of motive............actions like this only ensure your cause, your plight, your fight will be forever rejected and you will be treated with the contempt you deserve.

I dont care if you are a legitimate student or some half brained anarchist.....JUST REMEMBER THIS YOU LITTLE BASTARD............People died to give you the right to protest!!!!!

Photo from Rosies place

Loss in Afghanistan

Subrosa did a wee post here yesterday on the loss of a Paratrooper in Afghanistan.

She goes on to mention the Wikileaks saga and the effect it is having.

Anyway back on grid............it is further more upsetting to know that the soldier who lost his life that Rosie mentions was in fact potentially subject of a "blue on blue" or whats know otherwise as a friendly fire incident.

Private John "Jack" Howard, died while on patrol in the Nad-e Ali District of Helmand Province.

The 23-year-old, serving in the 3rd Battalion The Parachute Regiment, could have been shot by cannon fire from a low-flying US plane, the Ministry of Defence said.

This is indeed very sad and a full investigation is being carried out. This needs done as a matter of urgency.

As part of the Fire Support Group a JTAC officer should be present to control airpower. The airpower should report he agrees or disagrees with the coordinates or ground assessment before munitions are released, if troops are in the vicinity of a target.

Clearly and issue has occurred and indeed to learn of a friendly fire one at that further reinforces the delicate position our troops find themselves in.

However...............bearing in mind recent Wikileaks and the comments of the USA Military and Government, and even that of the dirty crook and puppet of the US that is the Afghan President........do we think that anyone but us outside of the UK actually gives 2 shits.

Source

Oh the Sheer Hypocrisy

This is just incredible.

Polly Toynbee the Guardian columnist and multi millionaire, champagne swilling socialist, I hasten to add, is snapped here on a protest march at the weekend to "Topshop" aim at the evil Sir Philip Greens empire and something about tax evasion.

Whats wrong with that....................well maybe as Old Pol is a Guardian type person and the whole Guardian Media group has a bit of a thing going on with HMRC.

And I quote..........According to the their own annual report Guardian Media Group made £306.4 million before tax. Using astute tax planning and legal manipulation of the tax laws; such as the use of an equity owning trust and a Caymans Islands offshore corporation to avoid stamp duty, they managed to only pay£800,000 in tax last year.
That is less than they paid the Guardian Media Group’s chief executive, Carolyn McCall, she got a package of £827,000.


Hmmmmmmmmmmmmm stupid hypocritical old trout.

So a suggestion Polly..........if you want to protest about dodgy tax dealing companies...........suggest you look a little closer to home !!!

Message for Hamid Karzai

Go see the Penguins Place

He hits the nail on the head.

You are an ex-employee of the Haliburton group.
As such you were placed into the puppet role of President at the behest of the American government to allow Haliburton to be part of the Caspian sea oil pipe link.

You are a known crook.
Your brother is a drug dealing money laundering crook as well.
You are known to take bribes and are basically as straight as a cork screw.

You lie, you cheat you steal.............all in the plastic name of democracy that you attempt to say you a bringing to Afghanistan.

You sit back allowing British troops to die in the name of peace knowing full well your makeshift position, your lies and mistruths are part of the problem.

Then........then you make comments which are recorded such as this.

See Here

Well Hamid ............ I for 1 am more than happy we leave your shitty little country to you and the USA.

Keep it...............no worries!!


"Call Me Dave" needs to step up to the plate here...........but I don't see it happening. I will leave him sucking up to the EU whilst lying to the rest of us about his effort.

I am raging at this.

Royal Highland Show Ingliston

My wife and I went to the Royal Highland Show in Ingliston earlier this year. One of the first exhibits we stopped at was the breeding bulls. We went up to the first pen and there was a sign attached that said 'THIS BULL MATED 50 TIMES LAST YEAR'.

My wife playfully nudged me in the ribs, smiled and said "He mated 50 times last year. That's almost once a week."

We walked to the second pen which had a sign attached that said 'THIS BULL MATED 150 TIMES LAST YEAR'.

My wife gave me a healthy jab and said, "WOW! That's nearly three times a week! You could learn a lot from him."

We walked to the third pen and it had a sign attached that said in capital letters 'THIS BULL MATED 365 TIMES LAST YEAR'.

My wife was so excited that her elbow nearly broke my ribs, and said "That's once a day! You could REALLY learn something from this one!!"

I looked at her and said "Go over and ask him if it was with the same cow."

Snow on the Road

There is always an excuse.

1. Was not expected
2. Wrong type
3. Grit does not work
4. Too cold
5. Too wet

All total crap

It is a a cost cutting exercise ...........no more no less

It is amazing that a lump of semi solid cold water can bring this country to its knees better than any Islamic terrorist cell ever could.

Then I get the benefit of hours of BBC/ITV/Sky fucking experts stating the "motherfuckin" obvious.

We can get a bomb in a printer cartridge.........we can spend millions on MP's expense and that scandal is not going away I can tell you.

The councils do not plan for this, do not act on it.
And we a the cash paying council tax folks just carry on panic buying bread and milk like its WW2 all over again and blindly paying out cash without so much as a wimper........pathetic.

So notice to the council.............................I've paid my car tax, I've paid my council tax. So I suggest that you lardy arsed, desk jockey jerk offs get the fuck on with what I've fucking well paid you to do!

After my journey in this am..............trust me my council highways dept are in no doubt to how I feel.



Hat tip to the G.O.T.

Absolute Tossers!

Go read this post here at Rosies place.

Then view this gem from the soiled rag that is The Guardian.



Tossers!

Scottish Football Referee's

Go Complain! Go Complain!
If you’re no happy, coz the ref was crappy, Go Complain!
If you canny take it, just coz you played shit
You will thank your stars that you went to Go Complain
Yes, you’ll thank your stars that you went to Go Complain!

Log on now at www.gocomplain.com

We’re here for all your complaining needs

No seriously...............the SFA may bring in Irish ref's to cover for this weekends strike.
Oh well suppose Celtic need a hand to win the league some how!!!

Quote from Iain Dale

I then come up for breath!


SO!!!!........... typical evening in the company of Iain then !!!!


Source

Wayhey Scotland..............Rugby the Greatest Game In the World

Scotland’s reward for causing the upset of the weekend and beating world champions South Africa 21-17 is a two-place climb to sixth in the latest IRB World Rankings, their highest ever position since the rankings were introduced in October 2003.

Andy Robinson’s side bounced back from a record loss to New Zealand seven days earlier to taste victory over the Springboks for the first time since 2002 and climb above Ireland and Argentina to better their previous best of seventh achieved with victory over the Pumas in June.

South Africa’s first loss of their European tour means they surrender second spot back to Australia. The Wallabies, who dropped to third after losing to England last weekend, beat 12th ranked Italy 32-14 in Florence but this result did not have any impact on their rating.




And to think I had slated Andy Robinson 6 ways 'till Sunday when he was appointed.

Am I about to eat a huge slice of humble pie ?????

Sorry

Comment moderation has had to be applied due to fucking idiots and their ability no to even be reasonable.

Chhers for that Anon.

Oh and by the way its always easy to hide behind the word anon.

OMG ........... Shocker of a story !!!

♫ I believe that children are our future,
Teach them well and let them lead the way* ♪


Unfortunately what some of our children are being taught is not quite what as a society we'd expect. Now I know kids are generally violent little psychopaths not terribly adult in their dealings with each other, but as parents and teachers it's up to us to show them how to deal with those they don't get on with and show respect. It's not an easy job, but sometimes it's made all the harder when religion becomes involved.


Source
FIVE Muslim schoolboys threatened to kill a patriotic classmate for supporting British troops.
The 12-year-old yobs boasted they planned to attack terrified Darius Gill, 13, with knives and knuckle dusters for not supporting Islamic extremists.
They made the threats on ­Facebook after Darius – who has a white mother and Asian father – posted a touching tribute on the same website to troops who have lost their lives defending Britain.
I think we can see where the next generation of poppy burners are coming from.

The gang – along with a white girl also aged 12 – have now been excluded from their school, the ­Sidney Stringer Academy which is in a predominantly Muslim area of Coventry.
One gang member said in a ­Facebook message littered with spelling mistakes: “Fight on ­Monday gonna be heavy knuckle dusters nd knifes hopefully I don’t die.”
Another added: “ill bang him ma slef am a terrorist.” One of the youngsters even posted a picture of himself holding a rifle. Darius’ mother Clare Allington, 42, who lives in Coventry, said: “If I hadn’t read the threats and pulled my son out of school that day he could be dead.
“They might just be school children but they are fanatical and dangerous. The threats have to be taken seriously.
“My son wrote supporting the British troops in Afghanistan and also said he was sad so many soldiers had died.
“It’s appalling and extremely upsetting for Darius.”
The school confirmed that six pupils had been disciplined for the hate campaign and face permanent expulsion pending an investigation.
Now it might just be threats, but facebook apparently was used for it.

Link
But a gang of pupils at Sidney Stringer Academy in Coventry – a predominantly Muslim area – expressed outrage at Darius’ patriotism.
One message – littered with spelling mistakes – said: ”Fight on Monday gonna be heavy knuckle dusters nd knifes hopefully I don’t die.”
His pal added: ”ill bang him ma slef am a terrorist.”
One of the thugs also posted a chilling picture of himself holding a rifle.
Shockingly, other pupils – who have set up a Muslim Defence League which celebrates British deaths in Afghanistan – also added comments condemning Darius.
They set up a Muslim defence league? A dyslexic one at that?
13 years ago I would have laughed at anyone suggesting that the UK could face a civil war or massive civil unrest by about 2020, now I'm not so sure. 13 years ago I would have laughed at any suggestion of the English working class setting up their own grass roots movement outside the auspices of politics called the EDL to defend against the continuing assault on our culture and values by politicians, activists and a totalitarian ideology wrapped up in religious trappings. I'm not laughing now.
Well we've had New Labour and look around you to see what happens when a political movement decides it would be good to rub the "rights" faces in multiculturalism and diversity by opening the doors of uncontrolled immigration. It might have worked but for one major problem, Islam doesn't do diversity, doesn't do multiculturalism, doesn't play nice with anyone not in Islam.
New Labour may just have consigned the UK's next generation to a terrible civil war in the name of diversity and multiculturalism.

Hat tip to the Quiet Man

Sgt Mark Andrews cleared of assault........................WTF...How???

I shit you not.

Sergeant Mark Andrews, who was caught on CCTV assaulting Pamela Somerville at Melksham police station in Wiltshire, has had his earlier 6 month jail sentence quashed after 'winning' an appeal today.

What. The. Fuck!
I must be seeing things then because the judge at Oxford Magistrates Court has now said, after a four-day hearing, that he was satisfied Sergeant Andrews did not intend to throw Ms Somerville into the cell and that the injuries she suffered were probably caused by falling down the stairs or the door frame.

There used to be a vid on YouTube but guess what some copyright cobblers means it was taken down.
Copyright my pink ass it was..............it was clear cut evidence of violence in my book.

Sadly the pic here shows the accident she had with a door frame



Meanwhile, Sergeant Shitwipe remains suspended from duty on full pay pending the result of an internal police enquiry. Yeah right ... any guesses to the outcome of that then?

We are all so fucked .... or as Old Holborn would say, welcome to East Germany.




Copied from the G.O.T blog without apology as this story is a joke. So credit to him.......but can not link to him as his blog has had to go invite only..........Tip of the Hat G.O.T!

Short Money

I was out and about yesterday and whilst out I was listening to Mad Hattie standing in for RedEd and Call Me Dave having their weekly charade and panto that is PMQ's.

The usual joke of an event just for public entertainment and quite honestly child like acting from all parties.

Well something got my ear towards the end.
An obviously well planted question from MP Andrew Griffiths.

It was to do with short money.

What is Short money...........well Short money is taxpayer-funded cash given to opposition parties to help them oppose the Government. In the year running up to the general election the Conservatives were given £4.7m and the Lib Dems £1.75m.



Andrew Griffiths MP has written to Ed Miliband calling on him to voluntarily give up part of the Labour Party’s taxpayer-funded grant. While Government departments have had to make necessary reductions in budgets by 19 per cent and ministerial pay has been cut by 5 per cent in order to clean up the mess left by Labour, new research shows that Labour’s bill to the taxpayer has soared to nearly £6 million a year.

Labour’s bill to the taxpayer is up 21 per cent to nearly £6 million. This year Labour will receive £5,748,240 in Short Money, 21 per cent more than the Conservatives received in 2009-10.

Ed Miliband’s office now receives over half a million pounds. This year Ed Miliband’s office will receive £668,606 in Short Money, an increase of 2.3 per cent on what the Leader of the Conservative Party received in 2009-10.

Labour goes on a £1 million recruitment spree. Since the General Election, Labour have advertised for at least 32 new employees, including two economic advisors, with salaries ranging from £23,000 to £37,000.

In his letter, Andrew Griffiths said:
“Just as in Government, Labour in opposition have gone on a spending spree with taxpayers’ money.

“At a time when Government departments and ministers are having to cut costs in order to deal with Labour’s economic legacy, it simply isn’t right for the party responsible to go on accepting more money from the public purse.

“If Labour are serious about clearing up the mess they left behind, they should voluntarily give up the £1 million worth of short money to bring them in line with the restraint shown in public spending.”


Nah...........I doubt it.
Its politics after all.
All parties agreed to the clean up post exp scandal.............and nothing happened there did it........ok a couple of sacrificial lambs in court but basically pay it back say sorry and nothing happened.

Imagine if that could be applied to crimes elsewhere in the UK committed by non MP's.

Excuse me now I am off to throw up!!!!!!!!!

Muslim Protestors Burn Poppy During 2 Minute Silence

Here is the totally abhorrent image of the Muslims Against Crusades (MAC) demonstrators burning a large scale remembrance day poppy during today's 2 minute silence.

Further coverage with the G.O.T

The MAC are a splinter group of the (supposedly) banned British muslim fanatic organisation, Islam4UK fronted by Anjem Choudray. That'll be him pictured in the black hoody then.

Give me fucking strength.


Many more images and reactions are available in this Daily Mail report, if you can stomach them.

See Here

Incidentally, haven't seen any coverage of this on the BBC although I dare say if someone were to burn the quoran or a bunch of lefty fuckwits were to smash up Tory HQ .... it'd be somewhat different, eh.

London Student Riots

Well it all kicked of yesterday did it not.

CCHQ not to pretty this am.

Go to any news web site and read up.

But IMHO

Students you have just learned the first lesson in life

and that is..............

LIFE IS NOT FUCKING FAIR..............never has been never will be !!!!!!

Scottish Heroes

As a tribute to my Grandfather

Col William Gordon Fielding who at 26 was the youngest recipiant of the Military Cross

Once a Marine always a Marine
And a proud Scot!!!

Remembrance Day - British Military Tribute

Lest We Forget !

Please watch..........Thank you

Your Going to Court You Thieving Bastards

The Supreme Court has found against the three ex Labour MPs who appealed a court of appeal decision that they should face the criminal courts over allegedly fiddling their expenses. The former MPs, Jim Devine, David Chaytor and Elliott Morley, had argued that their case should be dealt with by Parliament.

I don't think the Supreme Court verdict should come as a surprise to anyone. Just think of the outrage there would have been if the decision had gone the other way.


About time...............about bloody time.........can't wait !!!!!


Source

Lord Hesketh Quits.........................who you say !!!

The two Royal navy carriers are a controversial subject, conceived as a jobs for the boys in the Rosyth yard (his house is in the next village along) after Gordon Brown came face to face with the fact that people knew he'd skimped on the military budget.

It was set up as a potential vote winner (and it worked) Willie Rennie the sitting Lib Dem was out on his ear and Thomas Docherty a Labour stooge from down south with no connection to Rosyth, Scotland, Dunfermline or surrounding area was triumphant at the polls.

It was also tied into Labours scorched earth policy as they knew that in England they were going to be hammered, so they spread the few goodies around their core areas and tied the contracts down with penalty clauses so the next government could not (legally) afford to get out of them.

The fiasco's got greater of course, turned out the carriers weren't going to get any planes for them till 2020 and that we were going to have to share them with the French.



Finally, Lord Hesketh, the guy second in charge of the project finally had enough and quit.

Source
The deputy chairman of Babcock, Lord Hesketh, has resigned after he called the Royal Navy's aircraft carrier programme a "disaster".
His resignation from the engineering group follows a report in the Daily Telegraph newspaper in which he was reported as saying the project would make the country a "laughing stock".
Babcock is building the carriers at its shipyard in Rosyth.
Earlier on Monday it issued a statement distancing itself from the report.
Last month's defence review revealed that £5.2bn would be spent on two new carriers
For three years there will be only one aircraft carrier, in any case, the planes being built for the vessels will not be ready until 2020.
Lord Hesketh's resignation takes place with immediate effect.
He has been non-executive deputy chairman of Babcock since 1996 and a non-executive director since 1993.

This whole story is a farce, a complete and utter disgrace, a level of insult to the tax payer beyond comprehension. It should serve as an example of Labour's competence to govern us for the next several decades (though how soon fools forget).

Not only are they going to be white elephants till 2020, they had to get rid of the various support ships necessary to protect them in order to be able to afford them.

Still Rosyth did well courtesy of Gordon Brown...after all his house ovelooks the yard.............but for that matter so does mine...........but at what cost long term??????

It's enough to make you weep the mess Labour has left this country in.
There is no other job/role in the world whereby you can screw up so badly, you can blatantly lie, steal and cheat............and walk away !!!!

Is this country trying to kill me with rage ????

I mean my blood is fucking boiling today.

Alright so at least we havea bit of good news with Phil "Joanna Fucked me over a barrel" Woolas. But the fact is the lying, cheating cash stealing, claiming tampons and ladies clothes on expenses bastard is trying to over turn his 3 year ban with a Judicial review.

We I hope he has a bank account to back that up.

But we digress.

My rage in inscensed by oncvce again the "Human Rights Act"!!

Now old news with regards to being in Jail.

In a way I can accept that ruling.
I can accept that prison is punishment enough................despite the fact I would bring the death penalty back in a heart beat, but hear me out here.....the fact that being sent to prison is the punishment and that should be it.

However what I cant accept and what is bringing my blood to the temp of the sun.

Is this story here!!!!



Hate preacher Abu Hamza has won his appeal against the Government's attempts to strip him of his British passport, a special tribunal ruled today.

The radical cleric argued that such a move would render him 'stateless' as he had already been stripped of his Egyptian citizenship.

Delivering its 12-page ruling today, the Special Immigration Appeals Commission (Siac) allowed his appeal.

The hook-handed cleric, who acquired a British passport through marriage, is serving seven years in maximum security Belmarsh Prison after being convicted for inciting murder and racial hatred in 2006.

The Home Office sought to remove the British citizenship he received in 1986 so he could be deported.
In his ruling, Mr Justice Mitting said: 'We are satisfied on balance of probabilities that if a deprivation order were to be made, the appellant (Hamza) would be made stateless.
'The conclusions which we have reached in the closed judgment supplement, but do not contradict, that conclusion.
'Accordingly, this appeal is allowed.'
But the 52-year-old used a high-powered team of lawyers - funded by the taxpayer - to successfully argue his case.

A leading QC and team of lawyers all acted for Hamza, along with a special advocate appointed by the court.

Hamza's QC Ed Fitzgerald has represented clients including Moors Murderer Myra Hindley and the killer of James Bulger, Jon Venables.

Hamza claimed that he is no longer considered a citizen by Egypt, so taking away his UK nationality would leave him 'stateless' in contravention of Human Rights law.

Oh in the name of whats great and good......................fucking speechless !!!!!!

Phil "Custard Pie" Woolas

Well well well Phil, you snivelling, expense stealing, little turd.
And yes it was expense stealing as 1 of the things this thief claimed for was tampons.

Not only did Joanna Lumley give you your ass on a plate and made you look a total dick but you have now gone on and proven it all by yourself.
In fact you have a history of being a total cock don't you....... see here.

I am referring to the fact Phil Woolas MP for Oldham East and Saddleworth..........err well not anymore has been proven by high court judges in a special court of breaking election law.

See here

Well other may have blogged on this topic as well but what I want to draw attention to is the Judges Actual statement on the verdict.

They are here.

In particular....."It suggests that he is untrustworthy. The statement was false and the respondent had no reasonable ground for believing it to be true and did not believe it to be true.

"It follows in our judgment that the respondent is guilty of an illegal practice, contrary to section 136 of the Representation of the People Act 1983 with regard to those statements."

Post the appointment of RedED Milliband as leader of the People Popular Front oooops sorry the Labour Party.............Ed also proved himself a total cock as well by making him Shadow Immigration Minister.

Oh the sheer hypocrisy...........Shadow Immigration Minister and a man proven to use race hate as part of a campaign.

Well Ed......bit of advice............you need to remove this racist from his post and ban him from the Labour Party.

A court of judges has proven him to have broken the law!!!!
He played a race card !!!!

Should a complaint be sent to Greater Manchester Police I am sure they would have to carry out a formal investigation.................potential criminal charges !!!!!!


Update from Guidos Gaff

He has been found guilty on two counts of breaking the Representation of the People Act by making false election statements. No appeal, by-election in Oldham imminent.

UPDATE: Labour HQ is silent but the distancing has already begun. Lord Falconer just told the BBC he doesn’t believe that Woolas will be the candidate at the by-election. Red Ed is in a very tricky spot here…

UPDATE II: Woolas is making noises about attempting a Judicial Review. Hope he’s got a pretty penny…

Another selfish athlete

Wimbledon hopeful Simona Halep wants surgery to reduce the size of her breasts.
Halep is seen as one of the tennis stars of the future after winning a host of junior titles and a place in the final of the junior French Open last year.

But the 5-foot-5-inch Romanian tennis star said she thinks her 34DD bust is holding her back.

"This fall I'll have a breast reduction operation" Halep said. "The breasts make me uncomfortable when I play."

"It's the weight that troubles me and my ability to react quickly" she added.



WILL SOMEONE PLEASE TELL THIS KID THAT WINNING ISN'T EVERYTHING!

THIS SELF-CENTERED SPOILED LITTLE BRAT SHOULDN'T BE SO CONSUMED WITH "WINNING MAJOR TENNIS TOURNAMENTS"!

WHAT ABOUT US.... THE HARD-WORKING EVERYDAY FAN?



FOLKS PAY TOP DOLLAR FOR HOOTERS LIKE THAT!
AND MANY OF US PAY TO SEE THEM.


AND THIS LITTLE BRAT WANTS TO HAVE THEM REDUCED"?


PISSES ME OFF…..SELFISH ATHETE THAT SHE IS...


MBUN1...sorry!

INTERNATIONAL TERRORIST THREAT LEVEL RESPONSES

The English are feeling the concerned in relation to recent airline frieght and terrorist threats, and have therefore raised their security level from 'Miffed' to 'Peeved'. Soon though, security levels may be raised yet again to 'Irritated' or even 'A Bit Cross'. The English have not been 'A Bit Cross" since the blitz in 1940, when tea supplies nearly ran out. Terrorists have been re-categorised from 'Tiresome' to 'A Bloody Nuisance'. The last time the English issued a 'Bloody Nuisance' warning level was in 1588, when threatened by the Spanish Armada.


The Scots have raised their threat level from 'Pissed Off' to 'Let's get the Bastards'. They don't have any other levels. This is the reason they have been used on the front line of the British army for the last 300 years.


The French government announced yesterday that it has raised its terror alert level from 'Run' to 'Hide'. The only two higher levels in France are 'Collaborate' and 'Surrender'. The rise was precipitated by a recent fire that destroyed France's white flag factory, effectively paralysing the country's military capability.


Italy has increased the alert level from 'Shout Loudly and Excitedly' to 'Elaborate Military Posturing'. Two more levels remain: 'Ineffective Combat Operations' and 'Change Sides'.


The Germans have increased their alert state from 'Disdainful Arrogance' to 'Dress in Uniform and Sing Marching Songs'. They also have two higher levels: 'Invade a Neighbor' and 'Lose'.


Belgians, on the other hand, are all on holiday as usual. The only threat they are worried about is NATO pulling out of Brussels.


The Spanish are all excited to see their new submarines ready to deploy. These beautifully designed subs have glass bottoms so the new Spanish navy can get a really good look at the old Spanish navy.


Americans meanwhile, and as usual, are carrying out pre-emptive strikes on all of their allies 'just in case'.


Canada doesn't have any alert levels.


New Zealand has raised its security levels - from 'baaa' to 'BAAAA'. Due to continuing defense cutbacks, New Zealand has only one more level of escalation, which is 'I hope Australia will come and rescue us'.


Australia, meanwhile, has raised its security level from 'No worries' to 'She'll be alright, mate'. Three more escalation levels remain 'Crikey!', 'I think we'll need to cancel the barbie this weekend' and 'The barbie is cancelled'. So far no situation has ever warranted use of the final escalation level.

Monica is back in Politics

Bwahahahahahaha


Stolen from the BERF

I never thought I would see this day!!!

Liam Fox, the Defence Secretary, has said that plans which could put British combat troops including the SAS under French command make “perfect sense”. Well they might make perfect sense to an imbecile, (or politicians) but they don't make sense to me.


See here


When it comes to the defence of the realm, you make damned sure that your armed forces and all the attachments that go with it remain under your command. You for instance don't allow a foreign military however friendly to command your troops under any circumstances simply because their interests may not be in any way shape or form your interests.

And please do not give me the "That is what goes on under NATO right now" like you did on the radio this am. Thats not what goes on. They dont command our forces. NATO works on UN agends or mandates with an international military aim..........this is not the same thing to pillock.

I can imagine circumstances where the lives of French civilians or military may be in danger where the "British" contingent of their rapid response unit is used as a sacrificial lamb to get them out whilst the French contingent remain safe doing the evacuation. Far fetched? Not really, British troops on the whole have combat experience, French troops mostly don't, you want something difficult done you use the right tools for the job, in the case of the military in Europe, that's us. I can see the EU using our troops as cannon fodder when the inevitable breakdown happens either through internal division, or the rise of the Islamics and their constant attempts to bend our way of life to their medieval lunacy. In the next 20 or so years, something is going to break and I want our troops here with a 26 mile (at least) moat between us and them.


Liam Fox and whoever came up with this idea on the British side (yes I'm looking at you Cameron) are traitors, there is no other word for it, they are selling out our armed forces to a foreign power to pay the bills instead of getting rid of the obscene environmental taxes, trimming back savagely the welfare industry and napalming the Quango cults. They can claim they are just tidying up Labours mess, but you don't endanger your nation by messing with its armed forces by handing command of them over to a foreign power. Oh I know it's early days yet and they are keeping the units separate, but this is the thin end of the wedge, this is where we start to go slowly into the night as a nation.


Cameron........you are losing voters already !!!



Tips the hat to the chap who makes no noise

Pastry Products are like Heroin !!!

Following on from Prof Nutts revelations that heroin and alcohol are on a par, the Home Secretary Theresa May has come under fire from the Federation of Master Builders after she announced that Greggs pasties are to be reclassified as Class A drugs.

The government has been under intense pressure to act after a series of incidents involving hot savoury products. The Daily Mail has led a vocal public campaign to raise awareness of the threat posed by pies and pasties, linking both to increased cancer risks, rising house prices, and the death of Diana, Princess of Wales in 1997.

Pasty expert Dr John MacDonald of Suffolk University said: ‘These products seem harmless, but the reality is they ruin lives. Pasty use is very common, especially among the building community. Known colloquially as ‘P’ or ‘nom nom’, you can pick up a dose for as little as 79p on any high street. They’re far cheaper than crack, another thing that’s already closely associated with the nation’s builders.’

A spokesperson for Greggs insisted: ‘Our pastry products, especially the sausage rolls, are harmless. There’s nothing wrong with an occasional steak bake or cheese and onion pie. We clearly ask our customers to consume responsibly.’ She refuted allegations that bacon sandwiches are discounted to act as ‘gateways’, enticing customers into buying hardcore pastry products.

However, the move has shocked the construction community, who have argued previously that consumption of Greggs pasties is part of their cultural heritage. They claim the ban is tantamount to discrimination against builders. ‘We defend the use of savouries in a social context,’ said the Federation of Master Builders in a statement. ‘Casual use of pasties hurts nobody. We fund a support programme for Greggs addicts, which has pioneered the use of quiche to overcome the effects of withdrawal. We recognise there is an issue but this heavy-handed approach helps no-one. God help Theresa May if she wants a conservatory built or her boiler breaks down this winter.’

Smoking lobby speaks out against swimming pool pissing ban

Still smarting from the ban on smoking in public places, the tobacco industry today turned its attention to another unjustified infringement of civil liberties that it says has clear parallels to the smoking ban – the requirement that all urinators leave swimming pools if they want to enjoy a piss.

‘Let’s be clear,’ said a spokesman for British American Tobacco, ‘damage to the cigarette business was never our primary concern about the smoking ban. What keeps us awake at night is the nanny state’s gradual erosion of the rights of the individual. It’s cigarettes in pubs one day, pissing in pools the next. There is a clear trend towards the banning of all sociable pastimes, and we cannot stand idly by and watch.’

‘The medical evidence put forward to support this outrageous ban is partial and contradictory,’ insisted a spokesman for grass-roots organisation FORESP, Freedom Of Right to Enjoy Swimming-pool Pissing. ‘Many doctors are certain that there are no harmful effects whatsoever from swimming in a pool full of someone else’s urine, and to appease the few whingers we all have our fundamental right to piss in public pools infringed. It’s a pleasant, warm feeling and does no-one any harm, for goodness sake!’

However, leisure centres up and down the country are adamant that a ban on pissing in pools is essential if they are to protect employees such as lifeguards and swimming instructors from the harmful effects of what doctors are calling ‘passive pissing’. ‘These people have the right to get on with their jobs without being exposed to second-hand urine,’ said David Nicholson, Chief Executive of the NHS. ‘I’m not saying we should ban pissing all together – that would be uncomfortable for everyone – but all the evidence suggests that pissing can lead to health problems in the long term, and floating yellow slicks in the short term.’

But if authorities are to tackle the harm caused by pissing, many believe they need to challenge the widely-held view that it is acceptable to empty your bladder in public swimming baths.

‘It was having kids that changed my perspective,’ said one former pisser, Gordon Renfrew. ‘I quit eight years ago. It was tough at first – I missed the warmth and camaraderie. still get the urge from time to time, especially if I’m out swimming with friends who still piss, but I’d never go back to it. That said,I have been known to nip into the toilets to have a sneaky little slash in the basins. Just to be sociable, mind.’

The Kidnapping of Paul and Rachel Chandler

Saturday the 23rd October marked the one-year anniversary of the kidnapping, which made headlines around the world. The retired couple, on a pleasure cruise, had just left the Seychelles islands in their yacht and was sailing toward Tanzania, when they were captured by a Somali pirate group on the prowl in the Indian Ocean.

Fearing a possible rescue attempt, the pirates kept the Chandlers on shore and in separate locations for months. But recent reports say the couple is now being held together because the pirates are no longer willing to pay the cost of keeping them apart.

(Please keep in mind on 2 occasions the Marines and SBS were stood down from a "Ready State" when the Chandlers were in a position of a rescue attempt being made by the previous government, the troops were on station armed and ready. Also be advise they were British so a Linda Norgrove incident would not have happened, also keep in mind these are Somali pirates).

It is believed the Chandlers are currently being held in or near the town of Adado, close to the Ethiopian border, in central Somalia. It is also the area, where a security consultant for British charity Save the Children was kidnapped on Oct. 15th.

The consultant was released five days later. Save the Children credited local clan elders for securing the release, and denied reports that a ransom of $100,000 had been paid to the kidnappers.

Media reports had recently expressed fear that the couple could become pawns in a conflict between their pirate captors and al-Qaida-linked al-Shabab militants trying to expand their control in the area.

A ransom of nearly $500,000, collected by friends and family of the Chandlers, was delivered to the pirates. But the exchange failed when, after the money was dropped-off, the pirates increased the ransom demand to $1 million for the couple.

In an interview with a local radio station in Somalia, a spokesman for the pirate group, identified only as "Qodar," insisted the Chandlers would never be allowed to go free unless the group's ransom demand is met IN FULL.

Qodar says Paul and Rachel Chandler were well-treated for the first six months of their captivity, but their living conditions have deteriorated since. He says a ransom should be paid immediately to prevent the elderly couple from dying of neglect in Somalia.

The pirate group's statement appeared to be in response to a pledge made last week by Somalia's Transitional Federal Government to seek new negotiation channels, including contacts with clan and community leaders, for the Chandler's release. The government condemned the pirate hostage-takers, saying their actions have brought "terrible shame" to the nation.

The British Government refuse to negotiate!!!

Its about time this issue was closed.
Call me Dave needs to step up to the plate. Get the troops deployed to a safe area. Ethiopia wont say jack shit for fear of a rake of aid drying up.
Half a dozen drones to pinpoint position, Couple sat sweeps to verify.
The BOOM in and out in under 6 mins.

Sounds easy I know, but these boys know their onions.

Come on Dave, grow a pair...........put a marker down.....this has gone on long enough!!!!!

Linda Norgrove

The lady in this photograph is Linda Norgrove.

Linda is from Scotland.
Isle of Lewis in fact. Altnaharra to be exact, a most beautiful spot.

Linda has come to light because sadly she is now dead.

Linda was an aid worker who worked for a US group called USAID.

Linda was in Northern Afghanistan bringing aid and relief to the local populous.
A selfless act in itself but all the more honourable due to the level of danger present everyday.

Linda was kidnapped by an extremist group some 2 weeks ago.
Now it is worth pointing out that the Taliban was so very quick to dismiss reports that they were indeed linked to this kidnapping.
Not us they said.
It transpires that the group is an extremist group with a link to Al Quaida. Now not much is being said about this group...........but 1 thing is certain.......they are very extremist.

The lack of info coupled with the Taliban dismissal made it apparent Linda was in danger.

The area Linda was in was Eastern Afghanistan. This area is under US military control.

To that end PM David Cameron in consultation with Barak Obama allowed a US military led rescue attempt to go forth.
During this rescue attempt Linda died.

Initial reports detailed Linda was killed by a suicide vest explosion of 1 of her captors..............it later transpired Linda may have been killed by a US military grenade......thrown by 1 of her rescuers.

See Here


An investigation is being led by General Patraeus of the US Army. We await that report.
Cameron to his credit at least came out and gave a statement. So far no cover up no lies. Barak Obama has paid tribute and given his condolences.

The truth must come out............because right now lessons need learnt, and above all, a family sits in the North of Scotland grieving a loss, a loss they did not deserve to suffer.

War is not pretty, people die that's a fact, but people do not expect to grieve the loss of a person who chose only good, took no sides, wore no uniform, but had compassion for all with no favour over anyone.

I have a couple of questions.

1. Yes the East of Afghanistan is under US control. However the US are well known for their lack skills at hostage rescue. The British SAS will leave any organisation in their wake when it comes to operations of this nature.

So why were the US forces used?
Was this some big boys ego trip?
Did the US find her and not give the info?
Was Linda potentially post being rescued going to be paraded as an American success story?
Another look at us, we are so good moment for ABC NBC etc?
Instead she lies dead.

2. The SAS were understood to be in an advisory position.
Well I will make you this promise now.
Never, ever would the SAS advise in a hostage rescue that the use of grenades is authorised.
Smoke grenades yes, stun grenades yes............but the use of fragmentation grenades NO.......NEVER.
Certainly not until at the very least the hostage is secured, and out of the hot zone, and a military mop up so to speak is being carried out.
I find the use of the words US and Special Forces difficult to use in the same sentence.


In this story we must also never forget another fact or should I say 2 facts.

2 other ladies sadly died in the rescue attempt.
However they were both Afghni..........and well less said about that the better eh!
A disgrace.
2 Afghan families now also grieve the loss of their loved ones, but we wont hear any more about that will be.

God bless Linda !!!

The New Shadow Cabinet

Of all the Appointment in Red Eds new cabinet





The appointment of that thieving little bastard Sadiq Khan as Shadow Justice Minister...............send my Hypocrisy meter off the scale.




























Expenses it wont go away.

Ed FFS make a clean start, clean it up !!!!!

Exclusive extract from ‘Ma Cherie Amour’ by Antonia Cartland Blair

The story so far: In the middle of the night, our hero Antonio has fled from the malevolent grip of the brooding Baron Brown. After several hours of wandering around Islington, he espies a lit window in a much more tasteful mansion, filled with elegant soft furnishings, healing crystals and scented candles. He has found solace with his childhood sweetheart, Cherie.




Chapter 12

The rain set early in tonight. The sullen wind was soon awake. The tree-tops tried their utmost to resist the elements, as I, too, tried in vain to resist the attractions of the raven-haired temptress draped by the glowing embers of the log fire, an antique glass of even more antique whiskey – a gift from Signorio Sergio Bersculonio – in her beautifully manicured hand.

The heady scent of burning applewood, the rich amber tones of the spirit, the deliciously seductive fragrance of Tramp by Lentheric affected my senses. I threw caution to the winds and myself at my beloved’s feet.

She cradled me in her arms and soothed me; told me what I needed to be told; strengthened me; made me feel that what I was about to do was right… And that the rug could be dry-cleaned anyway.

On that night of the 12th May, 1994, I needed that love Cherie gave me, selfishly. In that I was selfish, not she – my syntax is unclear. She, as softly plump as a silk, goose-feather-stuffed counterpane; she, raking those manicured talons across my back like a snake with fingers; she, giving me her utmost attention whilst simultaneously checking the property ads for Bristol …

O! O! O! I devoured it to give me strength, I was an animal – a panda, a tiger, a horned rhinoceros – following my instinct, knowing I would need every fibre of emotional power and resilience to cope with what lay ahead. I was exhilarated, afraid and determined in roughly equal quantities as I kissed her roughly – as in approximately rather than without due care and consideration as it was dark and not easy to find (just like those pesky weapons of mass destruction) – on her swollen lips and took her roughly – as in approximately as well as without due care and attention – on the Axminster rug.

“Was that it?” she murmured in slightly petulant tones as she reached for my vest.

I was restored, victorious, ready to face my vicious Scottish foe, my arch enemy, my nemesis, the man with the emotional intelligence of an amoeba. Ma Cherie amour! I am a man once more.

TO BE CONTINUED

FOR SALE: Modified Mercedes Benz M-class

Fresh on the market..........this unique little runabout is just perfect for displaying soiled old relics for public amusement.

Its bullet-proof glass keeps even the most deserving passengers safe from assassination, while its elevated rear section can be fitted with a gun turret for crowd-control emergencies or visits to Third World countries.

Also ideal for transporting very tall passengers, bulky upright furniture or leaders requiring plenty of headroom to perform straight-arm salutes at rallies.

One careful owner, immaculate condition.
Unusual driving position on the far right.
Top speed 5mph.

No offers – please leave donation in collection box.

The Internet

The Internet

The World Wide Web.............unless you are in China!!

What a tool
What a success

Linking mere mortals around the world.

Never in the history of man has an invention captured the minds and thoughts and been a success with a rate of growth and expansion such as this.

At the mere stroke of a key, you can communicate, purchase, send endless streams of info to the other side of the world, view photos, arrange holidays, blogging, find school friends, long lost relatives, social networking and to give Iain Dale a place for his constant diatribe to pour out.

However when someone mentions the internet 1 of the main subjects is always pornography and the huge content of XXX rated sites, images and videos..........that I have been told are in existence.
Each to their own I say.

Our internet phenomenon has also spurned the arrival of a beautiful thing......



The Dating website.

No longer do people have to live alone.

No longer do men and women have to trawl through endless nightclubs and drinking dens picking up the stragglers at 2am.

No longer do people have to go to Tesco and stand for ages at the "ready meals for 1" section on the off chance that a ..........errrr like minded individual happens to pass by.

No more "single with GSOH looking for similar non smoker for nights in/out" type adverts at the back of the local freebie rag.

When.........with a few short mins on the various date sites you can find the love of your life. A matched individual with quality and values you yourself hold and desire in others.



Example

For those of you with a raging dose of the clap there is ............





For those ladies who require a particular level of income in their lives and to whom age is no issue in love there is..........





For those of you to whom a naughty smoke of a very dubious nature is your thing, there is.............





And my absolute favourite because even if you are psychopathic murderer on death row you still have a lot of love to give........





MMMMMMWWWWAAAAHHHHHHHHH come get me baby !!!!!