Thursday, 24 December 2009

Seasons Greetings

TLOTF will be taking a few days of rest and relaxation to recharge and enjoy some quality time with his potted plants , family and friends.

TLOTF blgspot will be coming down and getting a revamp/facelift so will start 2010 all new and sparkling...........if I can make it work.

A Christams good wishes to the boys/girls over the water.

I am also wishing all my blogging chums a relaxing and enjoyable festive season . You have all been a joy and an inspiration to me ( Yes Oldrightie that includes you) and I will be quaffing a foaming tankard in your honour as soon as possible.

A Very Merry Christmas my lovelys


Wednesday, 23 December 2009

Facebook Revenge.............OMG!

A letter to David Milliband

THIS WAS INDEED SENT to David Miliband ........... emailed into my stcky fingers by a trusted assistant.


Rt Hon David Miliband MP
Secretary of State.
Department for Environment, Food and Rural Affairs (DEFRA),
Nobel House
17 Smith Square

16 July 2009

Dear Secretary of State,

My friend, who is in farming at the moment, recently received a cheque for £3,000 from the Rural Payments Agency for not rearing pigs.. I would now like to join the "not rearing pigs" business.

In your opinion, what is the best kind of farm not to rear pigs on, and which is the best breed of pigs not to rear? I want to be sure I approach this endeavour in keeping with all government policies, as dictated by the EU under the Common Agricultural Policy.

I would prefer not to rear bacon pigs, but if this is not the type you want not rearing, I will just as gladly not rear porkers. Are there any advantages in not rearing rare breeds such as Saddlebacks or Gloucester Old Spots, or are there too many people already not rearing these?

As I see it, the hardest part of this programme will be keeping an accurate record of how many pigs I haven't reared. Are there any Government or Local Authority courses on this?

My friend is very satisfied with this business. He has been rearing pigs for forty years or so, and the best he ever made on them was £1,422 in 1968. That is - until this year, when he received a cheque for not rearing any.

If I get £3,000 for not rearing 50 pigs, will I get £6,000 for not rearing 100? I plan to operate on a small scale at first, holding myself down to about 4,000 pigs not raised, which will mean about £240,000 for the first year. As I become more expert in not rearing pigs, I plan to be more ambitious, perhaps increasing to, say, 40,000 pigs not reared in my second year, for which I should expect about £2.4 million from your department. Incidentally, I wonder if I would be eligible to receive tradable carbon credits for all these pigs not producing harmful and polluting methane gases?

Another point: These pigs that I plan not to rear will not eat 2,000 tonnes of cereals. I understand that you also pay farmers for not growing crops. Will I qualify for payments for not growing cereals to not feed the pigs I don't rear?

I am also considering the "not milking cows" business, so please send any information you have on that too. Please could you also include the current Defra advice on set aside fields? Can this be done on an e-commerce basis with virtual fields (of which I seem to have several thousand hectares)?

In view of the above you will realise that I will be totally unemployed, and will therefore qualify for unemployment benefits. I shall of course be voting for your party at the next general election.

Yours faithfully,

Nigel Johnson-Hill

Brown & Mandleson.......Not a very merry Christmas it seems

During the summer just passed a series of shock resignations from the Government threaten the end for Gordon Brown as PM. Caroline Flint was described as having driven a stiletto through the heart of government.

Lord Fondlebum has been credited with ensuring that Gordon Brown survived as Prime Minister when he successfully rallied cabinet colleagues behind Mr Brown when this series of resignations in June threatened to force him from office.

However, he has grown increasingly disenchanted with Mr Brown and in recent weeks the relationship has deteriorated further.

Last night, one close friend of Lord Mandelson stated: “Peter thinks that Gordon has used him to stay in place and has now just disposed of him. He clearly thinks he has served his purpose and Peter is upset about that.”

Disputes over policy have stretched the relationship between the two men to breaking point. A source claims that Lord Mandelson feels he has been “ganged up on” on various issues.

This month’s pre-Budget report, which attacked the bankers and failed to offer a more credible route for paying off the deficit further, infuriated the Business Secretary.

He made it clear he did not agree with “banker-bashing” but was over-ruled by Mr Brown.

Of course Mandleson did not because Brown wants to use that excuse to rally public support. He clearly knew what the banks were doing with toxic debt and let it happen. He gacve a hooky 60 Billion out in Nov 08 and tried to keep it hush.
He also felt slighted when Mr Brown did not push him for the European Union foreign affairs job when that was in his gift last month. Instead it went to the largely unheard of Cathy Ashton, Britain’s trade commissioner.

But also central to the falling out is Mr Brown’s decision to stubbornly refuse to change his plan to fight the election on “investment versus cuts”.

A senior Labour MP said: “Peter and Alistair (Darling) dragged Gordon to a place over the summer where he had to be more realistic about possible cuts. The result was the TUC speech.

“However, he regressed very quickly in his own conference speech and since into trying to ignore what needs to be done to deal with the deficit. Both Peter and Alistair felt he needed to be far less crude and more realistic.”

Meanwhile, Ed Balls, the Schools Secretary, has returned to a key role alongside the Prime Minister.

So as the battle lines for next year 2010 GE are drawn Gordy props the bunker up with his Hitler type allies.
But I tell you this they will run a mile once the writing is finally on the wall.


Tuesday, 22 December 2009

Afghan air force to quadruple in size

In a report in Reuters...........see here........ it is being reported that Afghanistan will receive more than 150 fixed- and rotor-wing aircraft from its Western allies over the next six years, the Afghan Defense Ministry said on Monday, quadrupling the size of its neglected air force.

Afghan Defense Minister Abdul Rahim Wardak, speaking during a parliament debate on Monday, said by 2016 the Afghan Air Force would have an additional 152 aircraft, bringing the total number to more than 200. The air force currently has 52 aircraft.

Afghan Defense Ministry spokesman General Zaher Azimy said they were working on obtaining the aircraft sooner.

"We have in our developmental plan to bring the delivery time to 2014. We are working on this," Azimy said, adding the United States would be the main provider.

The fleet will include 74 MI-17 transport helicopters as well as fixed-wing transport planes and fighter jets, Azimy said.

Sorry 74 heavy lift helicopters !!!!!...........a quick look on Wiki tells us it has a payload of approx 32 men. Dear me imagine what we could do with 74 helicopters in Afghanistan of this size.

Oh and before someone starts shouting saying its a Russian airframe, its of Russian soft arses here in the UK will be paying the bloody Russians to build them.

In the meantime we have to wait for 2013 to come along to take delivery of our 22 new Chinooks for our troops as detailed last week by Mr 21 out of 23. ...............Oh wait I lied ............ in fact I did what he did as he has only ordered 10 with an option on another 22.........see here.

But hey what another 300 servicemens lives.............only a stamp and a shitty written letter eh!

The contempt that this government show is beyond belief.
Also notice the spineless Tories and the what the point of being here Lib Dems have said sweet F.A.

UK Still Failing To Exit Recession

The UK economy is still in recession as figures show it shrank by 0.2%.

See Here

The figures confirm a sixth successive quarter of recession for the UK.

This means the country is lagging behind most other G20 nations, which have managed to recover a lot quicker from the economic crisis.

ERRRRRRR.......may I quote the April Budget Speech by Badger Darling............Was he not expecting 3.5% growth by year end.
Best we ever had in our fiscal history was 2.9% so where the fuckity fuck 3.5% came from is a mystery to me.

And dont for 1 min think its all gonna be rosy in way!

Monday, 21 December 2009

TLOTF Caption Competition

Many Bloggers do a caption competition.

As a result of seeing this photo I feel at least once I must do the same.

Pass it to others forward it around and remember its Christmas so give it your best shot.

Labour Lies and Spin

Well it transpires that our leader and Mr 21 out of 23 Bob Ainsworth have within a week of the historic visit to the troops and the general rehashing of the defence budget been proven to be lying once again.

I a nutshell...........the announcement was made on defence spending.

I blogged here and here on the subject.

I felt the announcement was weak...............VERY WEAK.

Much hype was made of the fact 22 Chinooks where to be purchased.

But...........Never in modern history, has the Government raided the budget of the Ministry of Defence to fund a continuing military operation".

And had Gordon Brown as chancellor not shown complete contempt for our armed forces this decision would not have been necessary if he had not, against all advice, cut £1.4bn from the helicopter programme in 2004.

In excess of 100 servicemen have been lost this year alone primarily due to road side IED's. Another died over the weekend. Fatalities to IED's are preventable on choppers. Total losses stand at 240.

So basically delivery 2013 meaning on average another 300 people may die before the first Chinook even turns a blade. Estimate about 600 deaths.

But that is not the truth..............please see here.

And I quote" As part of a significant re-balancing of Britain’s immediate-term defense spending, Gordon Brown’s Labour Party government plans to buy 10 new CH-47 Chinook helicopters for delivery in 2012-2013, with the intent to buy another 12 Chinooks later. The RAF’s Chinook fleet would increase in size from 48 – 70 airframes, including 8 “Mk3 Chinooks” will finally enter service after a costly and controversial program, plus purchased replacements for 2 Chinooks destroyed during operations."

STOP.............F*****g do what, only 10 with an option on another 12. That is where the 22 figure came option!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!.

Still I suppose a shitty written letter and a stamp is cheaper than a chopper isn't it Gordon.

But you must be happy as long as you have the troops can kiss ass to the Americans and help then get the oil line out to the Caspian Sea.

Merry F******g Christams !!

A Mention from Iain Dale

My humble musing got a mention on the pages of Iain Dales Diary.

Please see here.

Thank you Mr Dale.

However I never had this down as a right wing attack blog.
There are other who attack far better than me!

But for the record...............the right wingers can have a bit too if they piss me off!!!

Do I get a fiver or something in the post now???

Merry Christmas one an all!!!!

Thursday, 17 December 2009

Brown Family Christmas Card

No Lies,

Below is the Gordon Brown Christmas Card.

I kid you not!!

And pun courtesy of the Telegraph............Who says he is not "Hanging onto No10 by a Thread"

The Royal Ghurka Rifles..........A Debt of Honour

The Royal Ghurka Rifles as it is currently known was formed in 1994 from an amalgamation of the four separate Ghurkha regiments in the British Army:

2nd King Edward VII's Own Gurkha Rifles (The Sirmoor Rifles)
6th Queen Elizabeth's Own Gurkha Rifles
7th Duke of Edinburgh's Own Gurkha Rifles
10th Princess Mary's Own Gurkha Rifles

The regiment is recruited from Gurkhas from Nepal, which is a nation independent of the United Kingdom and not a member of the Commonwealth.

The Gurkhas are a lyal and proud regiment and are regarded as one of the toughest, loyal and fierce fighting regiments in the World.

And are proud to wear the Union Flag and fight under it.

The RGR have fought as British troops for over 200 years.
They have fought in EVERY conflict the British have including both World Wars, The Falklands conflict, Iraq and most recently still under combat operations in Afghanistan.

Indeed 4 members of the regiment also were awarded Military Cross for bravery in Nov 08...........see here

Joanna Lumley who's father served with the Ghurka Rifles fought and won a huge victory against the government on its settlement rights for Ghurkas.
See Here

Phil "Custard Pie" Woolas was made to look a complete ass.
Messers Cameron and Clegg waxed loudly and showed support.............however the Tories can not shout too loudly as when they were in office they also declined the Ghurkas the residency rights they so badly craved. As I said 200 years they have fought for this country.

Ms Lumley never asked for a penny for her battle for the Ghurkas. She did get donations but they were given out of generosity.

Sadly however Ms Lumley is asking for a few pounds.
Not for a battle
Not for a war
Not for a court case

But for the Ghurksa who remain in Nepal who under the ridiculous Commonwealth rules are denied a UK home.
Baically there are about 10k on $1 a day.

Please see here charity page by clicking here............. Got to be worth a fiver of anyones money.

We do owe these guys a Debt of Honour...........


Wednesday, 16 December 2009

Baywatch Pammy in Panto

So Pamela Anderson has finally made it to her UK panto debut.

See Here

She is on a two-week burst at the New Wimbledon Theatre in south London, playing the Genie of the Lamp in Aladdin.

Now ticket sales have soared.

I bet there are many dads in that audience looking forward to getting the ole lamp buffed by Pammy.

Makes a nice change though to not seeing her getting reamed by Tommy Lee in that now "famous video".

Err what video.......dont know what you are on about......Pammy Who? .......Tommy Who?.........I dont have an internet connection...........

Bo Jo and Jo Jo

Sounds like a clown double act act does it not???

Some might say it is!!!!

So it transpires that Boris Johnsons wee brother Jo has just won the selection to stand in the safe Conservative seat of Orpington where the current MP, John Horam, is standing down.

See Here

Well you can say what you like about his older brother..............but Tory politics is not going to be boring is it??????

More Afghanistan Losses and More Labour Lies

Please Just visit Subrosas page

Click Here..

Nothing more needs said!!!!!!!!!!!

Except I bloody well will !

Brown - The only person who benefitted your trip to Afghanistan was you.
The squaddies will do what they are told, remember that!

However when they are in places like Selly Oak, they do what there feeling inside tell them.................not the C.O.....see Here.

Oh and 1 other thing shithead............if I may quote the Daily Telegraph ....."For the first time in modern history, the Government has raided the budget of the Ministry of Defence to fund a continuing military operation".

However had you not shown complete contempt for our armed forces this decision would not have been necessary if you had not, against all advice, cut £1.4bn from the helicopter programme in 2004.

Sleep well !!!

Defence Spending

Minister: I’ve had another good idea.

Official: Really Minister? Another one… that’s your fourth this week. We’re struggling to keep up with this torrent of wisdom. Dare I ask what this one involves?

Minister: Well, I had given some thought to preparing a proper defence review, like we did in 1998, that could weigh up our foreign policy priorities and try to match some capabilities to them….

Official: But…?

Minister: But, I decided that was all bollocks, so I thought I’d announce something completely disconnected to confuse the enemy…

Official: To confuse the enemy, minister?

Minister: Well, if it looks like we don’t know which end of the bat to hold, the enemy will be sure to disintegrate into panic and low morale!

Official: Yes, Minister…

Another day, and another large defence announcement. It’s not that I’m cynical about these announcements now, but they produce a Malcolm Tucker-ish response in my kitchen (often when listening to Radio 5).

It’s often the authoritative tone with which these announcements are delivered. And yes I am referring to the shit Quentin Davies and his Tory select committee member James Arbuthnott both on Radio 5 last evening.
It makes it sound like there is a plan – and I’m just not sure that’s true.

However little gem is the purchase of 22 new Chinook helicopters (and please God, let them have bought the ones with the up-to-date avionics, so that there is a fighting chance that they can be used. And please, Father Christmas, can you grant me the festive wish, that some twit hasn’t decided to try and bolt some bits on in Britain to please some sour faced constituency MP about to lose his or her bell tower in an end of expenses electoral shocker) in exchange for the Harriers at Cottesmore and a squadron of Tornados.

Now, the helicopters are needed. No question about it. Sooner than 2013 would be nice (could we not lease them sooner?) because we might not have the money to continue fighting in Afghanistan nor Iraq come 2013, but forgive me when I say did a certain US President not commit a withdrawl by then, are we to remain on our own?, and could we not have a defence review to decide exactly what it is we are doing in the whole defence/security realm? Just a little one?

Because, we can debate endlessly the timeless classics of British defence:

* East of Suez

* The Special Relationship

* Nukes or no nukes

* Our special role as maritime power

* Europeanization

We can debate them. And I’m sure we will. But what I think would be nice is if the UK could adopt a set of hard and fast preferences – things which will remain stable for 30-50years. And within these preferences there will be, of course, policies and events that test the stability of the preference. But we are without preferences at the moment. We want to be transatlantic, but we want to be European… we want to be a bridge between the two. And a naval power, and a humanitarian force.. oh, and a provider of aid, ooo, and a nuclear power, but not one that would ever use them, oh, and we’d like to do it cheaply please. Yesterday.

According to Pugh/Augustine curve projections there will be no navy by 2040. Because the costs will be too high to sustain it. Tinkering around the edges of the defence budget, and defence provision just simply no longer cuts the mustard. We have to come up with some stable preferences – that genuinely reflect our abilities and the size of our wallet – and we need to stick to them. I would say ‘bye-bye carriers’, but I’d have a swift pound that BAE will have made the government promise to give them £30bn quid for work in lieu.

Give me f*****g strength........

H/T to Rob Dover

Tuesday, 15 December 2009

Can BA Survive??

Huge amounts of media coverage of the "12 days of Christmas Strike by BA cabin crew".

Its on TV , in papers and huge amounts of conflict.

See here

Wille Walsh threatens legal action ..........see here

Multiple news reports about union negotiations, 9 months in the offing, pilots pay cuts, terms and conditions..........basically lots of you said this, no you said that.

Whether Unite and its 13,500 cabin crew have pressed their own nuclear button will become clear within a few weeks.

At the very least BA and its staff are staring into the abyss. A 12 day strike will cause irreparable damage to the airline's reputation and lost passengers may never return.

Neither side comes out of this well. Willie Walsh does not seem to have appreciated the seething resentment of his staff. His belligerence towards union leaders who were desperate to avoid holding a strike ballot exacerbated the situation.

But the unions should remember that in the current climate no airline is safe, not even major flag carriers.

Nobody thought Sabena and Swissair would disappear, they did. The same could happen to BA.

But looking at we want to keep it???

I mean I fly a lot and will basically fly anyone before I fly BA.........with the exception of O'leary and his shitty Ryan Air despite the ticket price.

But looking at its finances............last year the airline lost £400M.........that was a net operating loss.
This year it is on target for twice £800M loss.

So in 2 years we have a £1.2 Billion loss.

Are we the tax payer at some point expected to cover this cost?
We cant afford it.

Just let it go i'd can not make a silk purse from a sow's ear!!!!

Monday, 14 December 2009

Berlusconi not being released from Hospital

So Silvio Belusconi is to remain in hospital is he?????????

Whats the betting with his reputation he is getting "Special Bedcare" !!!!!

Silvio Berlusconis private nurse was unavailable for comment!!!

The Italian prime minister is being treated for a fractured nose, two damaged teeth and cuts to his lips.

After speaking at a gathering of his conservative supporters in Milan, Mr Berlusconi was attacked by a man, who was arrested immediately.

The 73-year-old premier was left with a bloodied face and quickly bundled into a car.

Mr Berlusconi's personal doctor was quoted as saying the billionaire leader would remain at the San Raffaele Hospital at least until Tuesday.

A medical bulletin released by the hospital said the PM was taking antibiotics and painkillers, as the pain is "persistent".

She will help is go away no doubt!!!!


Christmas Carols.............Health and Safety Notice !

The Rocking Song

Little Jesus, sweetly sleep, do not stir;
We will lend a coat of fur,
We will rock you, rock you, rock you,
We will rock you, rock you, rock you:

Fur is no longer appropriate wear for small infants, both due to risk of allergy to animal fur, and for ethical reasons. Therefore faux fur, a nice cellular blanket or perhaps micro-fleece material should be considered a suitable alternative.

Please note, only persons who have been subject to a Criminal Records Bureau check and have enhanced clearance will be permitted to rock baby Jesus. Persons must carry their CRB disclosure with them at all times and be prepared to provide three forms of identification before rocking commences.

Jingle Bells

Dashing through the snow
In a one horse open sleigh
O'er the fields we go
Laughing all the way

A risk assessment must be submitted before an open sleigh is considered safe for members of the public to travel on. The risk assessment must also consider whether it is appropriate to use only one horse for such a venture, particularly if passengers are of larger proportions. Please note, permission must be gained from landowners before entering their fields. To avoid offending those not participating in celebrations, we would request that laughter is moderate only and not loud enough to be considered a noise nuisance.

While Shepherds Watched

While shepherds watched
Their flocks by night
All seated on the ground
The angel of the Lord came down
And glory shone around

The union of Shepherd's has complained that it breaches health and safety regulations to insist that shepherds watch their flocks without appropriate seating arrangements being provided, therefore benches, stools and orthopaedic chairs are now available. Shepherds have also requested that due to the inclement weather conditions at this time of year that they should watch their flocks via cctv cameras from centrally heated shepherd observation huts. Please note, the angel of the lord is reminded that before shining his / her glory all around she / he must ascertain that all shepherds have been issued with glasses capable of filtering out the harmful effects of UVA, UVB and Glory.

Rudolph the red nosed reindeer

Rudolph, the red-nosed reindeer
had a very shiny nose.
And if you ever saw him,
you would even say it glows.

You are advised that under the Equal Opportunities for All policy, it is inappropriate for persons to make comment with regard to the ruddiness of any part of Mr. R. Reindeer. Further to this, exclusion of Mr R Reindeer from the Reindeer Games will be considered discriminatory and disciplinary action will be taken against those found guilty of this offence. A full investigation will be implemented and sanctions - including suspension on full pay - will be considered whilst this investigation takes place.

Little Donkey

Little donkey, little donkey on the dusty road
Got to keep on plodding onwards with your precious load

The RSPCA have issued strict guidelines with regard to how heavy a load that a donkey of small stature is permitted to carry, also included in the guidelines is guidance regarding how often to feed the donkey and how many rest breaks are required over a four hour plodding period. Please note that due to the increased risk of pollution from the dusty road, Mary and Joseph are required to wear face masks to prevent inhalation of any airborne particles. The donkey has expressed his discomfort at being labelled 'little and would prefer just to be simply referred to as Mr. Donkey. To comment upon his height or lack thereof may be considered an infringement of his equine rights.

We Three Kings

We three kings of Orient are
Bearing gifts we traverse afar
Field and fountain, moor and mountain
Following yonder star

Whilst the gift of gold is still considered acceptable - as it may be redeemed at a later date through such organisations as 'cash for gold' etc, gifts of frankincense and myrrh are not appropriate due to the potential risk of oils and fragrances causing allergic reactions. A suggested gift alternative would be to make a donation to a worthy cause in the recipient’s name or perhaps give a gift voucher. We would not advise that the traversing kings rely on navigation by stars in order to reach their destinations and suggest the use of RAC route finder or satellite navigation, which will provide the quickest route and advice regarding fuel consumption. Please note as per the guidelines from the RSPCA for Mr Donkey, the camels carrying the three kings of Orient will require regular food and rest breaks. Facemasks for the three kings are also advisable due to the likelihood of dust from the camels’ hooves.

Away in a Manger No Crib for a bed

– Call Social services now….???????

A Nice Post.................before the usual Ranting Starts

As many devout readers are aware the art of egg chasing is my absolute passion.

I also coach a team of boys.
These boys are Scottish P7 which puts them in the 10-11 age group.

Now yesterday we played Stewarts Melville.

Stewarts Melville is a very posh, well to do, Scottish Private school.
See here

You know the kind of school Subrosa went to (Yes Mary Erskine I know).

They are good at rugby........what would you expect with Sean Lineen (head coach of the Warriors) as a former pupil and still coaching at the school.

Well cut a long story down to size.
yesterday ma wee bairns gave them a doin'!!!!!

Oh what a day!!!!

Firstly we disposed of Biggar RFC then straight on against the 12K a year fee's crew.

I am very pleased to say..........Stewarts Melville lost.

From the photo I dont care how big you boys hit you right, you go down, you will loose.

A fine day and the boys deserve there day in the sun (except no sun, lots of ice and frost and fog but you get my drift).

A coaching team enjoyed a small beverage by way of celebration.

Well done boys...........But your still all going training Weds night.

Saturday, 12 December 2009

Worrying Defence News

Cathy Newman on Channel 4 News is about to break the news that major defence cuts are on the way. They will be announced next week, including the closure of at latest one RAF base and a scaling back of the British base in Cyprus. The cuts should have been announced in the PBR this week but the MoD couldn't agree the details in time.

According to Channel 4 News...

The cuts have been caused by a six billion pound overspend, mainly on the procurement of new aircraft, submarines and ships. A senior official at the MOD told the programme that the department was in 'real financial trouble.' As well as the closure of an RAF base and the Cyprus reduction, Channel 4 News understands there will also be cuts in IT, human resources and back office functions, and more controversially the MOD Police. Senior Whitehall sources have admitted to Channel 4 News that the futures of the Navy's two new aircraft carriers and the A400M aircraft are in doubt. Defence could face cuts of up to 16% over three years because of the government's decision to half the deficit.

If all this is true, this could dominate the news over the next few days.

Go see here and watch the wee video.

Notice it did not make the PBR.
And Gordon denies he leaned on Darling..............F****ng Liar!!!!!!!!!

You watch the spin.........

Global economics
Cuts to assist afghanistan
Deficit reduction
NATO partners assisting


Friday, 11 December 2009

Dolly Draper and Mrs in Battle with Neighbours

Derek Draper and Kate Garraway's relationship with their neighbours is in tatters after the row over her loft conversion intensified.

The couple have angered their local residents' group by challenging its constitution.

Kate, 42, and husband Derek Draper won the latest stage of an increasingly bitter four-year battle over the conversion, which neighbours claimed did not meet conservation criteria.

During an appeal against a council planning enforcement notice the couple questioned the make-up of the Arlington Association residents' group.

A council official who ruled in favour of Garraway and Draper said: "I record the challenge to the constitution of the association, and his claim that if a resident who claims to be chairman of the association spoke at the hearing the procedure would be invalidated."

But neighbours last night hit back. One said: "Kate Garraway may have won this battle but she is losing the war. She is hated around here and has caused us misery since she started this loft conversion.

"Attacking the residents' group tells you all you need to know about her."

The row began in 2005 after Garraway put in a planning bid to build a nursery for daughter Darcey at their £1million home in Islington, North London.

It was thrown out as the extension did not suit the conservation area. But the couple began building anyway. In November 2006, when the work was complete, they put in a retrospective second application for the conversion.

Neighbours protested and a year later permission was refused, prompting an angry outburst from Garraway at a residents' meeting.

The council told her she must take the conversion down or alter it.

Last year the couple were ordered to make £15,000 of changes to satisfy planners, who later granted permission. A friend of the pair said: "It has only ever been the same three or four neighbours complaining out of hundreds.

"Kate and Derek support the conservation area and have bent over backwards to stay within the rules."

Funny that eh! Derek Draper staying within the rules,...........well not if his proffessional qualifications or his Labour List work standards are anything to go by.


What ever you do..........

Do NOT employ roughnecks from Aberdeen!!!!

I await Fitaloons replies tee hee

Click to enlarge

Was David Kelly murdered on the orders of the British Government?

I wrote this lengthy post here about Dr David Kelly in July.

Dr David Kelly was the scientist who died days after being exposed as the source of a controversial BBC story on the Iraq war.

In my post I made ref to his "suicide", his weapons works , his connection to South Africa, and a potential legal challenge by some other doctors over an inquest into his death.

Well now the 6 senior doctors in question have begun legal action to force a new inquest into the death of Dr David Kelly

The action is being taken because six doctors are convinced that the original verdict of suicide is unsafe and should be overturned.

Some suspect that Dr Kelly, 59, was murdered shortly after it was revealed that he was the source of a BBC story which alleged that evidence against Iraq had been "sexed up" by the Government in order to justify the 2003 invasion.

The body of Dr Kelly, who was a UN weapons inspector, was found more than six years ago in woods near his Oxfordshire home after he went out for a walk. His wrist had been slashed. He also had painkillers in his bloodstream, although not at a lethal level.

At the time of his death, Dr Kelly was under pressure because it had emerged that he had provided confidential information for the BBC story.

However, in a 13-page dossier prepared as the basis for the legal action, the doctors argue that the bleeding from Dr Kelly's ulnar artery in his left wrist is "highly unlikely" to have caused his death. They say a number of studies have shown that it is unusual for a patient to die from a single deep cut to the wrist.

The revelation of the move for a new inquest is embarrassing for the Government, particularly as it comes just two weeks into the inquiry chaired by Sir John Chilcot which is examining Britain's role in the invasion of Iraq and its aftermath. However it is reognised INHO that the Chilcott inquiry will be another Hutton style whitwash.

The doctors are applying to the Attorney General, Baroness Scotland for permission to go to the High Court for a new inquest, or the resumption of the previous inquest.

Now excuse me here but Baroness Scotland,............the illegal immigrant employer who is such a puppet of Gordon Brown............that we think she will actually in the best interest and impartiality of the law of the land permit this..........NO NOT ME!

Their case rests on section 13 of the 1988 Coroners Act, which allows the High Court to order a new inquest, or to resume a previous inquest, in "special cases", including cases where "it is necessary or desirable in the interests of justice".

Unusually, no coroner's inquest was ever held into Dr Kelly's death. Instead, the official verdict of suicide was provided by the Hutton Inquiry, commissioned by Tony Blair, the then-Prime Minister.

Nicholas Gardiner, the Oxfordshire coroner, initially opened the inquest but it was Lord Falconer, then the Lord Chancellor, who ruled that Lord Hutton's inquiry would fulfil "the function of an inquest". It concluded that Dr Kelly died from a loss of blood after cutting his wrist with a blunt gardening knife, having earlier taken a cocktail of painkillers.

Dr Kelly had been one of the few to examine, prior to its publication, the Government dossier that declared that Saddam Hussein had Weapons of Mass Destruction (WMDs) which could strike Britain in 45 minutes. The claim was used by Mr Blair in 2002 as a central justification for a war against Iraq.

The Government was incensed when Dr Kelly emerged as the source for the BBC's story. He was forced to appear before television cameras giving evidence to a House of Commons committee. Later he was taken away to be interviewed by the British intelligence services in a safe-house. In a telephone call shortly before his death, Dr Kelly said he would not be surprised "if my body was found in the woods".

The doctors say the Hutton inquiry was "totally inadequate" as a means of identifying the cause of Dr Kelly's death and they are seeking to obtain Dr Kelly's autopsy report.

Their main argument is that the bleeding from Dr Kelly's ulnar artery in his left wrist is "highly unlikely" to have caused his death. They say a number of studies have shown that it is unusual for a patient to die from a single deep cut to the wrist.

They say the Hutton Inquiry lacked the powers of a full inquest because it did not hear evidence taken under oath, it did not have the power to subpoena witnesses and it did not have the power to summon a jury.

They also say that the proviso which enabled the Hutton Inquiry to replace an inquest has only previously been used for mass deaths, such as the Ladbroke Grove rail crash or the inquiry in the deaths of patients the hands of Dr Harold Shipman.

Many Government critics, including Norman Baker, the campaigning Liberal Democrat MP, have claimed that Dr Kelly was murdered. A film, Anthrax War, alleged that Dr Kelly, who was the head of biological defence at Porton Down, the Government's secret military research establishment in Wiltshire, "knew too much". The film claims he may have been murdered because of his links to the West's secret germ warfare programme.

Dr Stephen Frost, one of the six doctors, who has spend six years studying the case, said: "We are determined to get to the bottom of this death. We will pursue it to the very end."

Dr Michael Powers QC, a medical lawyer and another of the six experts to put their names to the 13-page dossier, has said that the evidence for Dr Kelly's suicide is "very thin". The other four signatories include consultants and experts united by a sense of concern over the lack of a full inquest: Martin Birnstingl, Dr Christopher Burns-Cox, David Halpin, and Dr Andrew Rouse.

At the time Dr Kelly's body was found on July 17 2003, an unopened letter marked "personal" lay on the desk of his study. It threatened him with the sack if he ever repeated his indiscretion and spoke publicly – or briefed journalists – about his work.

Government sources dismiss suggestions that Dr Kelly was murdered and they are convinced the Hutton Inquiry's verdict remains safe.


Do F******g What...........Babies with Bombs

I have just read about the most absurd anti-terror tactic now to be emplyed by our police and government.

Basically anti-terror police are to monitor nurseries for Islamic radicalisation.

In an e-mail to community groups, an officer in the West Midlands counter-terrorism unit wrote: “I do hope that you will tell me about persons, of whatever age, you think may have been radicalised or be vulnerable to radicalisation ... Evidence suggests that radicalisation can take place from the age of 4.”

What evidence..........who you expect to see a child looking like this, with a hat on like this ?????

The police unit confirmed that counter-terrorist officers specially trained in identifying children and young people vulnerable to radicalisation had visited nursery schools.

We then learn that Norman Bettison, Chief Constable of West Yorkshire speaking from his booze club oooops sorry I mean on behalf of ACPO on the Government’s anti-terror strategy, said that the officer’s e-mail was a “clumsy” attempt to explain it.

'But the email says they have visited already.............this is a policy they are acting on !!!!!!!!!!'

Bit more socialist stasi policing policy.
Postman pat has kept is gob shut I notice.


Thursday, 10 December 2009

Russian Coalmine Accident

Russian News Film Crew.

There was an accident at a Russian coalmine and people were accused of drinking on the job.

Using quality investigatitive techniques the interviewer is trying to see if there is any truth in the rumour, and then one of the other workers turns up unannounced.

Don't need sound, unless you can speak Russian.

Willie Rennie loves tae eat!!

Members of the 646 club can claim 400 quid a month in food with not a piece of paper to prove it.

Willie Rennie MP ( My local Lib Dem 646 club fully paid up member) loves his food whilst away from home.

Some months he even likes to claim for a bit more than the free £400.00 no receipts required exp payment.

See Here

I will bet you he puts that down to a clerical error.
Well Mr Rennie I will say this..........If you are making errors like that you had better stand down as an MP as I do not trust you, and that error shows you are not fit enough to stand as a MP. I mean how can you be trusted to represent us when error are being made like that. What elese even more serious could you make an error with.

Now that has me concerned so as a result, guess what ............... I am gonna spend a quiet evening.......just me a wee bottle of Highland Park and trawl through these few sheets.....who knows what I may come up!!!!!!

BBC Question Time...........The Ratings Whores !!!

In what appears to be a blatant bit of ratings tourism, Question Time tomorrow comes from Wootton Bassett and is set up to be completely devoted to the war in Afghanistan. The panel will consist of former head of the British Army General Sir Richard Dannatt, Shadow Foreign Secretary William Hague, and former News of the Screws editor Piers "Moron" Morgan. Armed Forces Minister Bill Rammell will be on, presumably to shield Bob Ainsworthless from the public, as will Salma Yaqoob, the leader of Respect.

George Galloway has already got his ha'pennyworth in the much ignored Swindon Advertiser saying that the panel is biased in favour of the war, and the local mayor is boycotting it because he wants to talk about something, indeed anything, else.

Go see The Eye for more info.

Wednesday, 9 December 2009

Tiger Woods Movitvation Poster

Please Read.............PMQ PM Insults the Disabled

A friend of mine, Elizabeth has a child with a speech disability.

Basically a lovely child who is mute.

During todays PMQ's our "most respected" PM made a reference to David Cameron and I quote ''sorry he had not lost the gift of speech''.

Elizabeth is furious.

As a result she has emailed the powers that be so too speak and is now starting to protest at this statement by the PM.

The email content is here and I have hiden Elizabeths surname for her protection.

to "SHAYLOR, Christine"
cc Advice
date Wed, Dec 9, 2009 at 12:35 PM
subject Re; PM Brown

12:35 PM (2 hours ago)

I am offended by PM Browns' address today (PMQs') to Mr.Cameron stating he was sorry Mr.Cameron ''had not lost the gift of speech''- as a parent of a non-verbal child, I am horrified, especially seeing as Mr.Brown is parent of a disabled child also, I would like you to please advise Mr.Brown to have a Social Work assessment for his parenting skills without delay - I am also complaining to the Disability Law Service

Yours sincerely,


I appreciate Cameron and Brown have a loathing of each other.
However when has the political debate meant that insults have now to be traded in this manner????

So I see fully where Elizabeth is coming from.
She has asked for the content of her email to be put around and used by others as you see fit.

So please feel free to publish/post on your blogs.

I hope she gets a formal reply............would be interesting to see it.
Let me have a copy if you do please Elizabeth?

"You see I ad this gezzer in me motor and he's only gone an said"

Yesterday at the Chilcot Enquiry we were given the testimony of the former Chair of the JIC, John Scarlett.

For intelligence studies scholars, this is a good moment.

In recent times we have had the Scott Report (1996), Butler (2004) and now this inquiry, which whilst not focussed solely on intelligence will mention it a lot. And even from one days testimony, we can draw some interesting lessons, some of which are now well rehearsed.

1) We went to war despite the evidence(?)

In the absence of a formal transcript from the Inquiry (it was only yesterday) cites have to come from the time-stamps of when evidence was given. At 1502 Scarlett said that intelligence was received stating that Iraq had begun dismantling some of its WMD. He said this wasn’t a ‘game-changing’ moment as it was assumed that this was part of a concealment programme.

We might all note a classic ‘group-think’ and ‘mirroring’ moment here. ‘If I was in Saddam’s shoes, I would do x and y’.

2) That the intelligence cycle was coloured by ‘boss think’(?)

This refers to the practice of finding evidence to fit the hypothesis of a strong voice in the room. It has often been referred to in this context – a decision taken by a small group, in which there is a strong voice. But we might equally apply it to a cascade of the sort of sofa-government that Blair was so fond. If Blair had signed up to the war in March 2002 (as per the testimony of Christopher Meyer two weeks ago) then it stands to reason, in the sofa-government model, that the chair of the JIC would come under indirect pressure (consciously or unconsciously) to be ‘on message’, although at 1625 he denied that he had come under pressure to ‘firm-up’ the dossier. I’m personally not sure it would be possible to be immune from the clearly stated desire of the Prime Minister to steer this course, particularly not in the small and necessarily closed community that formed the Core Executive in the run up to war. This sort of oblique pressure would also be likely to cascade down to the Assessments Staff and interested parties. This sort of cascade and social phenomenon would help to account for the 1502 statement above, and allegations made by the MP Adam Holloway that the so-called 45 minute claim came from an Iraqi taxi driver, and that some MI6 reservations about the intelligence had been ignored.

3) It’s the end-use of intelligence product that’s the problem(?)

The evidence given yesterday seemed to criticise Tony Blair for having given too much emphasis to the notion that the intelligence on WMD was ‘beyond doubt’ and whilst Scarlett said there had been ‘no intention to manipulate the language’ on the so-called 45minute claim (1529), it is clear that it was false and was retracted after the commencement of military actions in March 2003.

I have often thought that intelligence failure is rarely the fault of, or has been rarely caused by intelligence officers – more often than not it has been a wilful or accidental failure of communication between intelligence agencies and their political masters. In this case it seems to have been a fantastic case of boss-think and group-think. And as Chilcot said: “There is a sentence which echoes for me in the prime minister’s foreword: “What I believe the assessed intelligence has established beyond doubt.” I just wonder, recalling that chapter one of the Butler report, whether it is ever possible to say “assessed intelligence has established beyond doubt”.

And that is the nub of all of this. Intelligence product is not fact. Not even when it is rigorously produced. It is a best guess, and a good hypothesis. And what’s more, intelligence and the policies that it informs (or reinforces) are better considered as part of a power-equation than a scientific process. From this limited snap-shot it appears that there were some crucial errors in thinking, and some wilful movements in certain directions – but it would be an error to lay the blame at the door of our intelligence agencies; they didn’t make the decision to go to war, nor did they play – it seems – a big part in it. They were used – rather instrumentally – to convince us of the need for war, and in that it is not just ministers that need to be educated in the use of intelligence, but us too.

Blair woke up this morning and I dont think he had the best nights sleep he has ever had.

Monday, 7 December 2009

Oh Yes !!

Trafalgar Day Speeches

The 23rd October marked Trafalgar Day.
To mark the day a speech was given by several high ranking military figures.

I have noted 2 of the speakers.
Surprised no one else pointed their comments out.

General Sir David Richards, Chief of the General Staff :

"This is a war that needs to be fought and can be won.....we haven't sold it very well and we need to do better."

"If the Afghan people asked us to go tomorrow, we would have to go. We are there under a United Nations mandate."

"If we give up Afghanistan tomorrow, I absolutely guarantee you that if you are an al Qaeda memeber or Taleban, they will pour back into southern Afghanistan and they will have the freedom to plan and train and conduct operations which now they don't have."

"General McChrystal talks about 2013 (for a pull out of troops). The Chief of the Defence Staff and I have said that's pretty challenging. Being cautious military men, we're talking about 2014."

Admiral Sir Mark Stanhope, First Sea Lord and Chief of Naval Staff :

Afghanistan must not be "the template for a future UK defence structure that can do nothing but more Afghanistans.....the range of threats to UK interests is greater than that."

Tories fight GE on Military Matters ??????

Well not only have the blue noses recruited The Saintly Dannatt but now they have locked down Bosnia Bob.

I blogged here on this a while back.

Colonel Bob Stewart DSO, former UN commander in Bosnia, has been selected as the Conservative parliamentary candidate for Beckenham, Kent.


He has pledged to champion the cause of Defence and to work to ensure that Britain's Armed Forces are adequately resourced for the commitments they are given.

Commander John Muxworthy RN, Chief Executive Officer of the UKNDA, said: "I wish Bob all the best in his new political role. I'm sure he will make a major impact on the House of Commons.

No shit Sherlock!!!!!

"With his distinguished military background and proven leadership skills, Bob is just the sort of person we need in Parliament. Directors and members of the UKNDA join me in congratulating Bob on his selection as PPC for Beckenham."

Does that mean Mrs Dale is out on her ear again?????????
Was he not going for this seat after Bracknell fell through???

PM Snubbed Again!!!

Over on the Dog Blog is a piece on the Prime Mentalists visit to Selly Oak Hospital.

A tragic story on all fronts.

Not just the injured being in Selly Oak in the first place, but to actually leave the hospital to avoid the Prime Minister is just gaulling on all fronts.

The physical pain that some of these individuals are in is just mind blowing.

To rather go through that pain, to not be around the PM, shows clearly the basic hatred and low regards for the man.

The full artice is here but a wee quote if I may.....

Sapper Matthew Weston, 20, is one of the most seriously injured soldiers to have survived. He lost both legs and his right arm when a bomb exploded on a dirt track outside Sangin.

He said: “I didn’t want to speak to him, I didn’t want to waste my time talking to someone who was just trying to make themselves look good. I spent the day with my family instead.

“Half the lads didn’t want to speak to him and those that did pretty much blamed him for everything. Many of the lads just closed their curtains and hid themselves away.

“I met Prince Charles and Sir Richard Dannatt [when they visited Selly Oak]. I have respect for them. Prince Charles spoke to me for two hours. I really didn’t want to speak to Gordon Brown.”

Another soldier, who suffered severe injuries when caught in a mine explosion, left the hospital in an attempt to avoid Brown.

He was angry at the government’s attempt to cut compensation payouts for injured soldiers. He said: “I went outside for a fag but when I came back he was still there. Most of us said we wouldn’t like to see him so we drew our curtains and waited for him to go.

What goes around come around!!!!!!

A quick link here to give an idea of the stunning work done by the staff of Selly Oak.

Thursday, 3 December 2009

Another Blogger Retires

Sadly the lovely Subrosa has stepped down.

Please read here.

I would just like to thank Mr Winton.

I owe a lot to Rosie.
I play at blogging I admit.

However without her words of encouragement I would not even be this far down the road.
I would have let dyslexia take over totally.

I for 1 will miss her musings,her insight, her wit, her humour.
Her Super 7 ..... apost I had a fair few mentions on.

Her steadfast dedication to the Troops in Afghanistan was second to none.
IMHO she favoured no one apart from our troops.
She viewed politics from many angles and indeed I think fell foul of others for that.
She allowed debate, even full disagreement, she even mediated

I remember the rascist incident. I for 1 commented heavily on that and she had my full support.

I may not have agreed with everything she posted but I defend her right to post and state it.

Blogs are about opinions............opinions of the author....or so I thought.
It seems others fear the opinions of certain bloggers and when they fear they get nasty..........they threaten..........they act on threats.

Her decision for closing is hers and hers alone...............however I now feel a shitstorm coming in the blogosphere.

An Admin Error

A f***ing admin error.

Over the death of a serviceman and a letter to his father.

The father of a soldier killed in Afghanistan received a condolence letter from the Prime Minister last month – almost two years after his son died.

Trooper Jack Sadler, 21, of the Honourable Artillery Company, was killed on December 4, 2007, when his vehicle was hit by a blast in Helmand Province.

But his father Ian said he received a handwritten letter from Gordon Brown only on November 17 2009.

Another example of our governments treatment of servicemen, servicewomen and families
Pure and utter contempt.


Tuesday, 1 December 2009

Word of advice Mr Woods

Of all of the world's sports superstars, Tiger Woods has been blessed with one of the more idyllic lives -- a gorgeous wife, two adorable children, multiple millions in the bank, and an image of purity and excellence that transcends the sport he dominates.

But the image, and with it one of the sporting world's premium brands, is under threat as the mystery surrounding his one-car accident, just a few steps from his Florida mansion Friday, deepened as he continued to refuse to talk to authorities.

On Monday, Woods withdrew from his own golf tournament, the Chevron World Challenge, which begins Tuesday in Thousand Oaks, Calif. Woods cited injuries from the crash and said he was "extremely disappointed" he couldn't attend, but didn't elaborate on the injuries.

By skipping the tournament, Woods will escape having to face TV cameras and a horde of media seeking more details about the smashup. The tournament was to be the last of the year for Woods anyway, but he did not say just when he would make his return next year.

In a statement on his website Sunday, Woods called the accident "embarrassing to my family and me" and pleaded for privacy.

"I'm human and I'm not perfect," he said. But, he added, "this is a private matter and I want to keep it that way."

The accident that touched off the cascade of pressure on golf's No. 1 player began at 2:25 a.m. Friday, when Woods backed his black Cadillac Escalade out of his driveway and then ran over a fire hydrant before colliding with a tree on a neighbor's property. The car's front end was badly damaged and Woods' wife, Elin Nordegren, said she used a golf club to bust through a back window to remove him from the vehicle, according to police. He reportedly suffered facial lacerations that required medical care.

But questions arise!
You do not need to be rescued by a woman weilding a golf club when you have a small car bump at approx 10mph.
I mean the airbags didnt go off.
Whats the worst.........scrapped paint, bent bumper, smashed light.
Doors certainly not sealed shut due to the force of impact compressing the chassis and other metallic components.

However this lady has appeared on the radar.

A certain Ms Rachel Uchitel. She is the granddaughter of powerful Cleveland banker and amateur golfer Warner Bishop, and her mom is socialite Susan Bishop.
She left Florida in a whirlwind yesterday and has arrived in LA to be greated by her lawyer.

This post is not about idle gossip.
I dont give a shit about Tiger Woods.
What it is is a gentle push for him to come clean and tidy up his reputation.

One of the greatest sportmen of certainly my generation is about to crash and burn infront of the worlds media.
Perhaps best written here in the times.
Letterman appears to have come out the other side OK.

I think the cartoon at the start of this post summed it up more accurately.

Maybe 1 of my American readers can give us some stateside info.

We woke up in a different country today.

Alright, it doesn’t look very different. The trees still seem black against the winter sun; the motorways continue to jam inexplicably; commuters carry on avoiding eye contact. But Britain is no longer a sovereign nation. At midnight last night, we ceased to be an independent state, bound by international treaty to other independent states, and became instead a subordinate unit within a European state.

Yes, a European state. Take a quick dekko at the definition set out in Article One of the1933 Montevideo Convention on the Rights and Duties of States: “The state as a person of international law should possess the following qualifications: (a) a permanent population; (b) a defined territory; (c) government; and (d) capacity to enter into relations with the other states.”

Until yesterday, the EU qualified on grounds (a), (b) and (c). Now it has ticked the final box. Under the Lisbon Treaty, which came into force today, it acquires “legal personality”, which gives it the right to sign treaties and treat with other states. Nor is this right simply theoretical: the EU now has a foreign minister, a diplomatic corps (the European External Action Service) and 16o overseas embassies.

Until yesterday, the EU could not annex additional policy areas without a new treaty, which needed to be ratified by all its constituent nations. Now, it has the so-called “passerelle” clause, or self-amending mechanism. Parliament, in other words, no longer has the final say on extensions of EU jurisdiction. The EU derives its authority, not from its 27 members, but from its own foundational texts.

Until yesterday, Britain could simply walk out of the EU by abrogating the Treaty of Rome and repealing the 1972 European Communities Act. Henceforth, it will have to go through the secession procedure laid down in Lisbon. In other words – in the minds of Euro-lawyers, at any rate, if not of British constitutionalists – the EU gets to settle the terms on which its members are allowed to leave. Formal sovereignty has been shifted from the national capitals to Brussels.

It is appalling, demeaning, disgraceful that such a thing should have been done without popular consent, and in the absence of the referendum that all three parties had promised. “There’s no point in crying over spilt milk,” you might say. True. But there is every point in mopping it up.

Source Daniel Hannan MEP...................good words!!!

Morning Mr Woods Nice Day for a Drive !

Dont think many will have seen this but you have to admit the timing is hilarious…this ad was in the Wall Street Journal yesterday.

"The road to high performance isn't always paved" -- and then it should have said "and neither is your neighbour's front lawn".

Just goes to can have all the money, all the status, all the accolade in the world...............but you need some brains to back it up.

Tiger...........what the hell where you thinking of ??????

H/T to MBUN1

About Time !!

No thats sarcasm.

In reality what the fuckity fuck is this going on ???

The Victoria Cross (VC) is the highest military decoration which is, or has been, awarded for valour "in the face of the enemy" to members of the armed forces of various Commonwealth countries, and previous British Empire territories.

The VC was introduced on 29 January 1856 by Queen Victoria to reward acts of valour during the Crimean War. Since then, the medal has been awarded 1,356 times to 1,353 individual recipients. Only 13 medals, nine to members of the British Army, and four to the Australian Army have been awarded since the Second World War.

Private Johnson Gideon Beharry being the latest receipiant for acts of selfless bravery in Iraq in 2004.

However In an unprecedented development, three civil servants are to be awarded the Victoria Cross, Britain's highest award for valour. The presentation will be the first time the award has been given to non-military personnel.

The medals, which are to be awarded by Her Majesty the Queen, are to be awarded to the three workers from the Ministry of Defence for 'Bureaucracy above and beyond the call of duty', and will be presented at the same time as many other civil servants will be presented with the Afghanistan campaign medal, the Operational Service Medal.

Perhaps the citations for the awards will read as follows:

"On 23 June 2009, Senior Action Co-Ordinators XXX XXXXX, XXXX XXXXXXXX and XXXXXXX XXXXXXX were caught in an extreme situation, with an urgent report on executive-bathroom usage statistics to be presented to senior Ministers and a desperate shortage of photocopier toner.

Despite severe resistance from the Toner Procurement Department, the three Co-Ordinators traversed fully three floors of MoD Main Building, and in an act of supreme courage used the photocopier in the Body Armour Reduction Unit in spite of not having documentary authorisation for the floor. The unit showed extreme presence of mind in ensuring that they retained an adequate supply of 4th-Floor Printer Foolscap.

Two of the recipients were wounded in the action, with Co-Ordinator XXXXXXX XXXXXXX receiving a grievous injury from a staple remover, and XXX XXXXX achieved the photocopying objective despite receiving three separate paper cuts."

Defence Secretary Mr 21 out of 23 Ainsworth praised the actions of the three civil servants, saying, "this high accolade is well-deserved - the important work of the Ministry of Defence to the War Effort cannot easily be quantified". Super Bob was further quoted as saying "I don't know how anyone can think that this totally devalues the awards presented to real heroes who actually put their lives on the line for Queen and Country".

Total Cretins!!!

Hat tip to the Oxford Geek and source here.


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