Scottish lonely-hearts column

Grossly overweight Buckie turf-cutter, 42 years old and 23 stone,

Gemini, seeks nimble sexpot, preferably South American, for tango

sessions, candlelit dinners and humid nights of screaming passion. Must

have own car and be willing to travel. Box 09/08



Aberdeen man, 50, in desperate need of a shag. Anything considered.

Box06/03



Heavy drinker, 35, Glasgow area, seeks gorgeous sex addict interested

in pints, fags, Celtic football club and starting scraps on Sauchiehall

Street at three in the morning. Box 73/82.



Bitter, disillusioned Dundonian lately rejected by longtime fiancée

seeks decent, honest, reliable woman, if such a thing still exists in

this cruel world of hatchet-faced bitches. Box 53/41



Ginger-haired Partick troublemaker, gets slit-eyed and shirty after a

few scoops, seeks attractive, wealthy lady for bail purposes, maybe

more. Box 84/87



Artistic Edinburgh woman, 53, petite, loves rainy walks on the beach,

writing poetry, unusual sea-shells and interesting brown rice dishes,

seeks mystic dreamer for companionship, back rubs and more as we bounce

along like little tumbling clouds on life's beautiful crazy journey.

Strong stomach essential Box 12/32



Chartered accountant, 42, seeks female for marriage. Duties will

include cooking, light cleaning and accompanying me to office social

functions.

References required. No timewasters. Box 23/45



Bad-tempered, foul-mouthed old bastard living in a damp cottage in the

arse end of Orkney seeks attractive 21-year old blonde lady with big

tits. Box 40/27



Devil-worshiper, Stirling area, seeks like-minded lady for wining and

dining, good conversation, dancing, romantic walks and slaughtering

dogs in cemeteries at midnight under the flinty light of a pale moon.

Box 52/07



Attractive brunette, Maryhill area, winner of Miss Wrangler competition

at Framptons Nightclub, Maryhill, in September 1978, seeks nostalgic

man who's not afraid to cry, for long nights spent comfort-drinking and

listening to old Abba records. Please, Please! Box 30/41



Govan man, 27, medium build, brown hair, blue eyes, seeks alibi for the

night of February 27 between 8pm and 11.30pm