I have very much kept this to myself but for 9 days now TLOTF has been dealing with the death of his most very best friend in a tragic motorbike accident.
My most nearest and dearest have been keeping an eye on me as well for a while I blamed myself.
Why you ask.
I was not even in the same county when the accident occurred.
The reason for the blame.............it was me who got Calum into bikes, me who trained him, me who went with him when the first bike was bought, me who used to ride with him on Sunday afternoons.
If I had kept my fat mouth shut and not encouraged him then it would not have happened.
I have wanted to blog about this.
No not because of some morose love of misery............but because this has really bothered me.
Everyone has said you are not to blame.........and I know that.
But I can not stop thinking of this.
I can not stop the blame.
My blog has been quiet and I have toyed with the idea.
I have started many posts and deleted them.
However yesterday I drove to the spot and placed a wee flower on the area.
It was an odd feeling...........no not sad and I don't know why.
But I was absolutely raging as I found many pieces of blue faring not cleaned up.
So I did clean them up.
I cant explain why I am writing this post............I just have to.
I have lost close family members and indeed have a sister so chronically disabled that it is doctors that keep her going..........but for some reason they have not affected me like this.
I want to batter 12 shades out of tractor driver however the Police have not released a final report so I do not know the full facts.
But right now I suspect a tractor driver is feeling a lot worse than I am.
Tomorrow Calum will be laid to rest........and it wont be a good day. However dignity and respect will be shown but maybe a wee tear in the privacy of my house at the end of the day.
Please do not judge me for my post. These pages have indeed seen some hot rants, some vicious attacks and out pouring of rage.
But right now I don't really care.
Our new coalition government, the outgoing NuLabour movement..........seems but something in the background.
An odd post and I apologise to all...............I just had to write something.
Normal service will resume shortly.