Monday, 17 May 2010

Classic Commentator Gaffs

"Andrew Mehrtens loves it when Daryl Gibson comes inside of him." -New Zealand Rugby Commentator

"And this is Gregoriava from Bulgaria. I saw her snatch this morning and it was amazing!" -Pat Glenn, weightlifting commentator

"Ah, isn't that nice. The wife of the Cambridge President is kissing the Cox of the Oxford crew." -Harry Carpenter at the Oxford-Cambridge boat race 1977

"One of the reasons Arnie (Arnold Palmer) is playing so well is that, before each tee shot, his wife takes out his balls and kisses them. Oh my god! What have I just said??" -US PGA Commentator

"You'd eat beaver if you could get it." -Carenza Lewis about finding food in the Middle Ages on "Time Team Live"

"So Bob, where's that eight inches you promised me last night?" -Female news anchor to weatherman

"Ballesteros felt much better today after a 69 yesterday." -Steve Ryder covering the US Masters

"There's nothing like a big hot sausage inside you on a cold night like this." -Clair Frisby talking about a jumbo hot dog on Look North

"Stephen Hendry jumps on Steve Davis's misses every chance he gets." -Mike Hallett discussing missed snooker shots on Sky Sports

"They seem cold out there. They're rubbing each other and he's only come in his shorts." -Michael Buerk on watching Philippa Forrester cuddle up to a male astronomer for warmth during BBC1"s UK eclipse coverage remarked

"Some weeks Nick likes to use Fanny; other weeks he prefers to do it by himself." -Ken Brown commentating on golfer Nick Faldo and his caddie Fanny Sunneson

"And here's Moses Kiptanui, the 19 year old Kenyan, who turned 20 a few weeks ago." -David Coleman

"It's a great advantage to be able to hurdle with both legs." -David Coleman

"We now have exactly the same situation as we had at the start of the race, only exactly the opposite." -Murray Walker

After playing Cameroon in the 1990 world cup finals: "We didn't underestimate them. They were just a lot better than we thought." -Bobby Robson

On the difficulties of adjusting to playing football and living in Italy: "It was like being in a foreign country." -Ian Rush

Jimmy Hill: "Don't sit on the fence, Terry. What chance do you think Germany has of getting through? Terry Venables: "I think it's 50-50."

"I was in a no-win situation, so I'm glad that I won rather than lost." -Frank Bruno

"There's going to be a real ding-dong when the bell goes." -David Coleman

"There is Brendan Foster, by himself, with 20,000 people." -David Coleman

"The lead car is absolutely unique, except for the one behind it which is identical." -Murray Walker

"I owe a lot to my parents, especially my mother and father." -Greg Norman

"There have been injuries and deaths in boxing, but none of them serious." -Alan Minter

"Watch the time. It gives you an indication of how fast they are running." -Ron Pickering

"Just under 10 seconds for Nigel Mansel. Call it 9.5 seconds in round numbers." -Murray Walker

"A brain Scan revealed that Andrew Caddick is not suffering from stress fracture of the shin." -Jo Sheldon

"That's inches away from being millimetre perfect." -Ted Lowe

"I'll fight Lloyd Honeyghan for nothing if the price is right." -Marlon Starling

"If history repeats itself, I should think we can expect the same thing again." -Terry Venables

"I can't tell who's leading. It's either Oxford or Cambridge." -John Snagge,
commentating a boat Race between Oxford and Cambridge

"This is really a lovely horse, I once rode her mother. -Ted Walsh, Horse Racing Commentator

"The Queen's Park Oval, exactly as its name suggests, is absolutely round." -Tony Crozier

"He's pulling him off! The Spanish manager is pulling his captain off!" -George Hamilton

"The black players at this club lend the side a lot of skill and flair, but you also need white players in there to balance things up and give the team some brains and some common sense." -Ron Noades

"Bill Frindal has done a bit of mental arithmetic with a calculator" -John Arlott

"We actually got the winner three minutes from the end but then they equalized" -Ian McNail

"We'll still be happy if we lose. It's on at the same time as the Beer Festival" -Noel O' Mahony

"I would not say he (David Ginola) is the best left winger in the Premiership, but there are none better" -Ron Atkinson

"He dribbles a lot and the opposition don't like it - you can see it all over their faces." -Ron Atkinson

"I never comment on referees and I'm not going to break the habit of a lifetime for that prat" -Ron Atkinson

"Here we are in the Holy Land of Israel - a Mecca for tourists." -David Vine

"Morcelli has four fastest 1500-metre times ever. And all those times are at 1500 metres." -David Coleman

"Julian Dicks is everywhere. It's like they've got eleven Dicks on the field." -Metro Radio

"... and later we will have action from the men's cockless pairs." -Sue Barker

"Her time is about 4.33, which she's capable of." -David Coleman

"Sex is an anti-climax after that!" -Grand National-winning jockey Mark Fitzgerald

"Well, you gave the horse a wonderful ride, everybody saw that" -Desmond Lynam

"To play Holland, you have to play the Dutch." -Ruud Gullit

"Well, either side could win it, or it could be a draw". -Ron Atkinson

"For those of you watching in black and white, Spurs are in the all-yellow strip" -John Motson

"Strangely, in slow motion replay, the ball seemed to hang in the air for even longer." -David Acfield

What will you do when you leave football, Jack, will you stay in football?" -Stuart Hall - Radio 5 live

"There goes Juantorena down the back straight, opening his legs and showing his class" -David Coleman at The Montreal Olympics

"These greens are so fast they must bikini wax them." -Gary McCord on the greens at Augusta

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