Smoking lobby speaks out against swimming pool pissing ban

Still smarting from the ban on smoking in public places, the tobacco industry today turned its attention to another unjustified infringement of civil liberties that it says has clear parallels to the smoking ban – the requirement that all urinators leave swimming pools if they want to enjoy a piss.

‘Let’s be clear,’ said a spokesman for British American Tobacco, ‘damage to the cigarette business was never our primary concern about the smoking ban. What keeps us awake at night is the nanny state’s gradual erosion of the rights of the individual. It’s cigarettes in pubs one day, pissing in pools the next. There is a clear trend towards the banning of all sociable pastimes, and we cannot stand idly by and watch.’

‘The medical evidence put forward to support this outrageous ban is partial and contradictory,’ insisted a spokesman for grass-roots organisation FORESP, Freedom Of Right to Enjoy Swimming-pool Pissing. ‘Many doctors are certain that there are no harmful effects whatsoever from swimming in a pool full of someone else’s urine, and to appease the few whingers we all have our fundamental right to piss in public pools infringed. It’s a pleasant, warm feeling and does no-one any harm, for goodness sake!’

However, leisure centres up and down the country are adamant that a ban on pissing in pools is essential if they are to protect employees such as lifeguards and swimming instructors from the harmful effects of what doctors are calling ‘passive pissing’. ‘These people have the right to get on with their jobs without being exposed to second-hand urine,’ said David Nicholson, Chief Executive of the NHS. ‘I’m not saying we should ban pissing all together – that would be uncomfortable for everyone – but all the evidence suggests that pissing can lead to health problems in the long term, and floating yellow slicks in the short term.’

But if authorities are to tackle the harm caused by pissing, many believe they need to challenge the widely-held view that it is acceptable to empty your bladder in public swimming baths.

‘It was having kids that changed my perspective,’ said one former pisser, Gordon Renfrew. ‘I quit eight years ago. It was tough at first – I missed the warmth and camaraderie. still get the urge from time to time, especially if I’m out swimming with friends who still piss, but I’d never go back to it. That said,I have been known to nip into the toilets to have a sneaky little slash in the basins. Just to be sociable, mind.’

The Kidnapping of Paul and Rachel Chandler

Saturday the 23rd October marked the one-year anniversary of the kidnapping, which made headlines around the world. The retired couple, on a pleasure cruise, had just left the Seychelles islands in their yacht and was sailing toward Tanzania, when they were captured by a Somali pirate group on the prowl in the Indian Ocean.

Fearing a possible rescue attempt, the pirates kept the Chandlers on shore and in separate locations for months. But recent reports say the couple is now being held together because the pirates are no longer willing to pay the cost of keeping them apart.

(Please keep in mind on 2 occasions the Marines and SBS were stood down from a "Ready State" when the Chandlers were in a position of a rescue attempt being made by the previous government, the troops were on station armed and ready. Also be advise they were British so a Linda Norgrove incident would not have happened, also keep in mind these are Somali pirates).

It is believed the Chandlers are currently being held in or near the town of Adado, close to the Ethiopian border, in central Somalia. It is also the area, where a security consultant for British charity Save the Children was kidnapped on Oct. 15th.

The consultant was released five days later. Save the Children credited local clan elders for securing the release, and denied reports that a ransom of $100,000 had been paid to the kidnappers.

Media reports had recently expressed fear that the couple could become pawns in a conflict between their pirate captors and al-Qaida-linked al-Shabab militants trying to expand their control in the area.

A ransom of nearly $500,000, collected by friends and family of the Chandlers, was delivered to the pirates. But the exchange failed when, after the money was dropped-off, the pirates increased the ransom demand to $1 million for the couple.

In an interview with a local radio station in Somalia, a spokesman for the pirate group, identified only as "Qodar," insisted the Chandlers would never be allowed to go free unless the group's ransom demand is met IN FULL.

Qodar says Paul and Rachel Chandler were well-treated for the first six months of their captivity, but their living conditions have deteriorated since. He says a ransom should be paid immediately to prevent the elderly couple from dying of neglect in Somalia.

The pirate group's statement appeared to be in response to a pledge made last week by Somalia's Transitional Federal Government to seek new negotiation channels, including contacts with clan and community leaders, for the Chandler's release. The government condemned the pirate hostage-takers, saying their actions have brought "terrible shame" to the nation.

The British Government refuse to negotiate!!!

Its about time this issue was closed.
Call me Dave needs to step up to the plate. Get the troops deployed to a safe area. Ethiopia wont say jack shit for fear of a rake of aid drying up.
Half a dozen drones to pinpoint position, Couple sat sweeps to verify.
The BOOM in and out in under 6 mins.

Sounds easy I know, but these boys know their onions.

Come on Dave, grow a pair...........put a marker down.....this has gone on long enough!!!!!

Linda Norgrove

The lady in this photograph is Linda Norgrove.

Linda is from Scotland.
Isle of Lewis in fact. Altnaharra to be exact, a most beautiful spot.

Linda has come to light because sadly she is now dead.

Linda was an aid worker who worked for a US group called USAID.

Linda was in Northern Afghanistan bringing aid and relief to the local populous.
A selfless act in itself but all the more honourable due to the level of danger present everyday.

Linda was kidnapped by an extremist group some 2 weeks ago.
Now it is worth pointing out that the Taliban was so very quick to dismiss reports that they were indeed linked to this kidnapping.
Not us they said.
It transpires that the group is an extremist group with a link to Al Quaida. Now not much is being said about this group...........but 1 thing is certain.......they are very extremist.

The lack of info coupled with the Taliban dismissal made it apparent Linda was in danger.

The area Linda was in was Eastern Afghanistan. This area is under US military control.

To that end PM David Cameron in consultation with Barak Obama allowed a US military led rescue attempt to go forth.
During this rescue attempt Linda died.

Initial reports detailed Linda was killed by a suicide vest explosion of 1 of her captors..............it later transpired Linda may have been killed by a US military grenade......thrown by 1 of her rescuers.

See Here


An investigation is being led by General Patraeus of the US Army. We await that report.
Cameron to his credit at least came out and gave a statement. So far no cover up no lies. Barak Obama has paid tribute and given his condolences.

The truth must come out............because right now lessons need learnt, and above all, a family sits in the North of Scotland grieving a loss, a loss they did not deserve to suffer.

War is not pretty, people die that's a fact, but people do not expect to grieve the loss of a person who chose only good, took no sides, wore no uniform, but had compassion for all with no favour over anyone.

I have a couple of questions.

1. Yes the East of Afghanistan is under US control. However the US are well known for their lack skills at hostage rescue. The British SAS will leave any organisation in their wake when it comes to operations of this nature.

So why were the US forces used?
Was this some big boys ego trip?
Did the US find her and not give the info?
Was Linda potentially post being rescued going to be paraded as an American success story?
Another look at us, we are so good moment for ABC NBC etc?
Instead she lies dead.

2. The SAS were understood to be in an advisory position.
Well I will make you this promise now.
Never, ever would the SAS advise in a hostage rescue that the use of grenades is authorised.
Smoke grenades yes, stun grenades yes............but the use of fragmentation grenades NO.......NEVER.
Certainly not until at the very least the hostage is secured, and out of the hot zone, and a military mop up so to speak is being carried out.
I find the use of the words US and Special Forces difficult to use in the same sentence.


In this story we must also never forget another fact or should I say 2 facts.

2 other ladies sadly died in the rescue attempt.
However they were both Afghni..........and well less said about that the better eh!
A disgrace.
2 Afghan families now also grieve the loss of their loved ones, but we wont hear any more about that will be.

God bless Linda !!!

The New Shadow Cabinet

Of all the Appointment in Red Eds new cabinet





The appointment of that thieving little bastard Sadiq Khan as Shadow Justice Minister...............send my Hypocrisy meter off the scale.




























Expenses it wont go away.

Ed FFS make a clean start, clean it up !!!!!

Exclusive extract from ‘Ma Cherie Amour’ by Antonia Cartland Blair

The story so far: In the middle of the night, our hero Antonio has fled from the malevolent grip of the brooding Baron Brown. After several hours of wandering around Islington, he espies a lit window in a much more tasteful mansion, filled with elegant soft furnishings, healing crystals and scented candles. He has found solace with his childhood sweetheart, Cherie.




Chapter 12

The rain set early in tonight. The sullen wind was soon awake. The tree-tops tried their utmost to resist the elements, as I, too, tried in vain to resist the attractions of the raven-haired temptress draped by the glowing embers of the log fire, an antique glass of even more antique whiskey – a gift from Signorio Sergio Bersculonio – in her beautifully manicured hand.

The heady scent of burning applewood, the rich amber tones of the spirit, the deliciously seductive fragrance of Tramp by Lentheric affected my senses. I threw caution to the winds and myself at my beloved’s feet.

She cradled me in her arms and soothed me; told me what I needed to be told; strengthened me; made me feel that what I was about to do was right… And that the rug could be dry-cleaned anyway.

On that night of the 12th May, 1994, I needed that love Cherie gave me, selfishly. In that I was selfish, not she – my syntax is unclear. She, as softly plump as a silk, goose-feather-stuffed counterpane; she, raking those manicured talons across my back like a snake with fingers; she, giving me her utmost attention whilst simultaneously checking the property ads for Bristol …

O! O! O! I devoured it to give me strength, I was an animal – a panda, a tiger, a horned rhinoceros – following my instinct, knowing I would need every fibre of emotional power and resilience to cope with what lay ahead. I was exhilarated, afraid and determined in roughly equal quantities as I kissed her roughly – as in approximately rather than without due care and consideration as it was dark and not easy to find (just like those pesky weapons of mass destruction) – on her swollen lips and took her roughly – as in approximately as well as without due care and attention – on the Axminster rug.

“Was that it?” she murmured in slightly petulant tones as she reached for my vest.

I was restored, victorious, ready to face my vicious Scottish foe, my arch enemy, my nemesis, the man with the emotional intelligence of an amoeba. Ma Cherie amour! I am a man once more.

TO BE CONTINUED

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The Internet

The Internet

The World Wide Web.............unless you are in China!!

What a tool
What a success

Linking mere mortals around the world.

Never in the history of man has an invention captured the minds and thoughts and been a success with a rate of growth and expansion such as this.

At the mere stroke of a key, you can communicate, purchase, send endless streams of info to the other side of the world, view photos, arrange holidays, blogging, find school friends, long lost relatives, social networking and to give Iain Dale a place for his constant diatribe to pour out.

However when someone mentions the internet 1 of the main subjects is always pornography and the huge content of XXX rated sites, images and videos..........that I have been told are in existence.
Each to their own I say.

Our internet phenomenon has also spurned the arrival of a beautiful thing......



The Dating website.

No longer do people have to live alone.

No longer do men and women have to trawl through endless nightclubs and drinking dens picking up the stragglers at 2am.

No longer do people have to go to Tesco and stand for ages at the "ready meals for 1" section on the off chance that a ..........errrr like minded individual happens to pass by.

No more "single with GSOH looking for similar non smoker for nights in/out" type adverts at the back of the local freebie rag.

When.........with a few short mins on the various date sites you can find the love of your life. A matched individual with quality and values you yourself hold and desire in others.



Example

For those of you with a raging dose of the clap there is ............





For those ladies who require a particular level of income in their lives and to whom age is no issue in love there is..........





For those of you to whom a naughty smoke of a very dubious nature is your thing, there is.............





And my absolute favourite because even if you are psychopathic murderer on death row you still have a lot of love to give........





MMMMMMWWWWAAAAHHHHHHHHH come get me baby !!!!!