Pantomine Madness............The Geneva Convention

A Glasgow theatre has had to change a pantomime costume after being told it was breaking the Geneva Convention.

DO WHAT ????

The dress worn by Nurse Poltis in the Pavilion Theatre production of Robin Hood originally had red crosses on the hat and tunic.

These were changed to green crosses after the British Red Cross informed the theatre it was breaking the law and could face prosecution.

Unauthorised use of the emblem violates the Geneva Conventions Act 1957.

Oh my bloody good god!

The British Red Cross said it had contacted the Pavilion Theatre over the use of a red cross on a nurse's costume in the pantomime, The Magical Adventures of Robin Hood.

A spokesman for the humanitarian organisation said: "We have no desire to be the villains of the pantomime or to appear heavy handed, but we do have a very serious obligation to protect the Red Cross emblem.

"The emblem is a special sign of neutrality and protection recognised by all sides during armed conflicts.

"Misuse of that emblem - even when done in an innocent and light-hearted manner - has to be addressed. Repeated and widespread misuse of the Red Cross emblem could dilute its neutrality and its ability to protect.

"When we contacted the theatre management, they quickly changed the cross on the nurse's costume to green and we applaud them for that."

Of all thats going on in the World this is surely a sign that the place is Mental.

Politically correct Admiral Lord Nelson at the Battle of Trafalgar

Nelson: "Order the signal, Hardy."


Hardy: "Aye, aye sir."


Nelson: "Hold on, that's not what I dictated to Flags. What's the meaning of this?"


Hardy: "Sorry sir?"


Nelson (reading aloud): "' England expects every person to do his or her duty, regardless of race, gender, sexual orientation, religious persuasion or disability.' - What gobbledegook is this?"


Hardy: "Admiralty policy, I'm afraid, sir. We're an equal opportunities employer now. We had the devil's own job getting ' England ' past the censors, lest it be considered racist."


Nelson: "Gadzooks, Hardy. Hand me my pipe and tobacco."


Hardy: "Sorry sir. All naval vessels have now been designated smoke-free working environments."


Nelson: "In that case, break open the rum ration. Let us splice the mainbrace to steel the men before battle."


Hardy: "The rum ration has been abolished, Admiral. Its part of the Government's policy on binge drinking."


Nelson: "Good heavens, Hardy. I suppose we'd better get on with it ........... full speed ahead."


Hardy: "I think you'll find that there's a 4 knot speed limit in this stretch of water."


Nelson: "Damn it man! We are on the eve of the greatest sea battle in history. We must advance with all dispatch. Report from the crow's
nest please."


Hardy: "That won't be possible, sir."


Nelson: "What?"


Hardy: "Health and Safety have closed the crow's nest, sir. No harness; and they said that rope ladders don't meet regulations. They
won't let anyone up there until a proper scaffolding can be erected."


Nelson: "Then get me the ship's carpenter without delay, Hardy."


Hardy: "He's busy knocking up a wheelchair access to the foredeck Admiral."


Nelson: "Wheelchair access? I've never heard anything so absurd."


Hardy: "Health and safety again, sir. We have to provide a barrier-free environment for the differently abled."


Nelson: "Differently abled? I've only one arm and one eye and I refuse even to hear mention of the word. I didn't rise to the rank of admiral
by playing the disability card."


Hardy: "Actually, sir, you did. The Royal Navy is under represented in the areas of visual impairment and limb deficiency."


Nelson: "Whatever next? Give me full sail. The salt spray beckons."


Hardy: "A couple of problems there too, sir. Health and safety won't let the crew up the rigging without hard hats. And they don't want
anyone breathing in too much salt - haven't you seen the adverts?"


Nelson: "I've never heard such infamy. Break out the cannon and tell the men to stand by to engage the enemy."


Hardy: "The men are a bit worried about shooting at anyone, Admiral."


Nelson: "What? This is mutiny!"


Hardy: "It's not that, sir. It's just that they're afraid of being charged with murder if they actually kill anyone. There's a couple of legal-aid lawyers on board, watching everyone like hawks."


Nelson: "Then how are we to sink the Frenchies and the Spanish?"


Hardy: "Actually, sir, we're not."


Nelson: "We're not?"


Hardy: "No, sir. The French and the Spanish are our European partners now. According to the Common Fisheries Policy, we shouldn't even be in
this stretch of water. We could get hit with a claim for compensation."


Nelson: "But you must hate a Frenchman as you hate the devil."


Hardy: "I wouldn't let the ship's diversity co-ordinator hear you saying that sir. You'll be up on disciplinary report."


Nelson: "You must consider every man an enemy, who speaks ill of your King."


Hardy: "Not any more, sir. We must be inclusive in this multicultural age. Now put on your Kevlar vest; it's the rules. It could save your life"


Nelson: "Don't tell me - health and safety. Whatever happened to rum, sodomy and the lash?"


Hardy: As I explained, sir, rum is off the menu! And there's a ban on corporal punishment."